sKratch
12-15-2005, 08:35 PM
What a ridiculous day... I was driving home from school and boy was it an adventure. You are about to read a tale of suspense, danger, luck, and just plain weirdness.
So I'm driving home from school in my sweet '90 Corolla (http://www.skratch-zero.com/crap/mycarisfast.jpg) whose bumper is now partially held on by bungee cords. My speedometer hasn't worked in about half a year. I got it fixed last spring but it broke again. So I'm cruising on Rt. 17 eastbound out of Binghamton, ignorant to the possibility of speeding. In fact, I am rather certain that I am speeding, but don't care because I don't know how much. I can tell when I hit 80 because my alignment sucks so the car doesn't drive too smoothly around there. I'm trying to pass this guy but it's tough because I'm going up a hill. Finally, the road curves downward and gravity gives me the power that my engine can't. I pass him, and happily pull into the right lane. I don't stay in the left lane unless I'm passing people. I hate assholes who stay in the left lane. So I'm cruising along, and smirk as I see a State Trooper SUV heading westbound on the other side of the highway. I wave sarcastically to impress my passanger. The State Trooper pulls a U-turn through a break in the highway divider. Fuck.
The car I had passed a few miles ago is behind me about 20 yards. Behind that car is a State Trooper, recently aquainted with the eastbound traffic surrounding me. The car I had passed a few miles ago blinks right and pulls into my lane behind me. The State Trooper follows suit. His lights turn on. Fuck. The car behind me pulls over and I start thinking of pleas and bullshit to tell the cop when he gets to me; I must be who he's after. The car behind me is on the side of the road. The police officer is behind him in the shoulder. The car behind me is my new best friend. I'll have to buy the driver a beer some time.
So I'm pointing up at the cloudy sky through my windshield saying "I owe you one, buddy." My passanger, my best friend since 7th grade, next to the guy who just took a bullet for me, is a thesaurus for "wow." Every few minutes, or maybe it's every few seconds--time doesn't matter too much right now--I point out how crazy that was. I feel like I just got shot but was wearing kevlar. Only it didn't hurt at all. So now I'm kind of naked; my kevlar's used up. There's no way I'm going to get this lucky again today.
It's maybe half an hour later, at most. I'm following this guy because he knows how fast he's going and I don't. I trust that he's going a decent speed. Having no speedometer for a really long time makes you good at finding the right person to match speeds with. All of a sudden he slows down more than that shit that won't flush down your girlfriend's toilet. You probably should have held it in you prick. Confused, I pull into the left lane to pass him. I realize there's a friendly police officer in a parked car, pointed at me, on the snow between eastbound and westbound traffic. I slow the fuck down. I pray that I wasn't speeding. If I was speeding, I wasn't speeding very much because the cop stays put. I figure it would be a good idea to stay slow for the rest of the drive. My dreams of cutting a 3 hour car ride into 2 are shattered.
About twenty minutes later, I spot a trooper a few cars ahead of me in the left lane. He pulls into the right lane and someone passes him. Somone passed the fucking cop. Idiot. The cop pulls behind him and it's Christmas. The lights go on. Fucking idiot. The car he's trying to pull over is a black van. The van's breaklights begin to flicker and flash. It's a fucking unmarked police vehicle or something. Cop turns off his lights, and so does the van. What the fuck. I see like three other cop cars further along.
I'm on the Taconic Parkway south. I took Rt. 17 E to 84 E to where I am right now. I hate the Taconic here. The guard rail is closer than I'd like it to be and it always makes me nervous. I wouldn't be going this way but it makes more sense since I'm dropping my friend off in Shrub Oak. Luckily there's barely any traffic, so I don't have to worry about passing people with about a pubic hair of space between us. I get to the Shrub Oak exit victorious. I just avoided the largest agglomoration of cops I've seen in a while, and my speedometer doesn't work. There must be an accident or something because two cop cars are at the end of the off-ramp slowing people down. A cop is slowing me down. He's slowing me down a lot. He's stopping me. He's asking me to roll down my window. "Your inspection is expired." Fuck. What? "Twelve oh three." Fucking December 3rd. Today is the fifteenth. I forgot that my mom took my car to get inspected while I was in school last fall. Usually my inspection goes in August. I've been studying for finals and packing and getting excited about going home and I never even imagined that my inspection could be expired. Fuck. He asks where I'm coming from and I tell him school. He asks where I go and my passanger chirps in that we attent Binghamton University. He takes my license and my registration and asks me to hold tight. He walks over to his car. Fuck. If he's walking to his car, why wouldn't he give me a ticket? If I walked to my car, I'd give a ticket. Waste of time if I didn't. He comes back to my window.
"We're gonnna give you a break this time, but get that taken care of."
I thank the officer and get my friend the fuck home. Weirdest shit ever. How did I just escape that? I was figuring out ways to plea. I was going to ask if it's legal for the police to stop cars and check the inspection. I heard they can't. Someone told me it's entrapment and it's not legal. But they gave me a break. That's never happened to me before. Well shit. I get my friend home and I have to piss really bad. That's not important, but damn do I have to piss so bad. I'm driving home and I'm being extra careful because I figure this can only be leading up to something terrible. About twenty seconds from my house, a car is pulled over on the side of the road up ahead. A final threat; a taunt or a mockery of some sort. I'm still in danger, even so close to home. I pull into my street, more skeeved out than I've been in a while. I pull into my driveway. Score. I should have gotten two speeding tickets and a ticket for having an expired inspection. But I'm home, and I really don't want to drive anywhere for a while. Remind me to make a toast to the fellow (or was it a girl?) who got pulled over for me way back on Rt. 17.
So I'm driving home from school in my sweet '90 Corolla (http://www.skratch-zero.com/crap/mycarisfast.jpg) whose bumper is now partially held on by bungee cords. My speedometer hasn't worked in about half a year. I got it fixed last spring but it broke again. So I'm cruising on Rt. 17 eastbound out of Binghamton, ignorant to the possibility of speeding. In fact, I am rather certain that I am speeding, but don't care because I don't know how much. I can tell when I hit 80 because my alignment sucks so the car doesn't drive too smoothly around there. I'm trying to pass this guy but it's tough because I'm going up a hill. Finally, the road curves downward and gravity gives me the power that my engine can't. I pass him, and happily pull into the right lane. I don't stay in the left lane unless I'm passing people. I hate assholes who stay in the left lane. So I'm cruising along, and smirk as I see a State Trooper SUV heading westbound on the other side of the highway. I wave sarcastically to impress my passanger. The State Trooper pulls a U-turn through a break in the highway divider. Fuck.
The car I had passed a few miles ago is behind me about 20 yards. Behind that car is a State Trooper, recently aquainted with the eastbound traffic surrounding me. The car I had passed a few miles ago blinks right and pulls into my lane behind me. The State Trooper follows suit. His lights turn on. Fuck. The car behind me pulls over and I start thinking of pleas and bullshit to tell the cop when he gets to me; I must be who he's after. The car behind me is on the side of the road. The police officer is behind him in the shoulder. The car behind me is my new best friend. I'll have to buy the driver a beer some time.
So I'm pointing up at the cloudy sky through my windshield saying "I owe you one, buddy." My passanger, my best friend since 7th grade, next to the guy who just took a bullet for me, is a thesaurus for "wow." Every few minutes, or maybe it's every few seconds--time doesn't matter too much right now--I point out how crazy that was. I feel like I just got shot but was wearing kevlar. Only it didn't hurt at all. So now I'm kind of naked; my kevlar's used up. There's no way I'm going to get this lucky again today.
It's maybe half an hour later, at most. I'm following this guy because he knows how fast he's going and I don't. I trust that he's going a decent speed. Having no speedometer for a really long time makes you good at finding the right person to match speeds with. All of a sudden he slows down more than that shit that won't flush down your girlfriend's toilet. You probably should have held it in you prick. Confused, I pull into the left lane to pass him. I realize there's a friendly police officer in a parked car, pointed at me, on the snow between eastbound and westbound traffic. I slow the fuck down. I pray that I wasn't speeding. If I was speeding, I wasn't speeding very much because the cop stays put. I figure it would be a good idea to stay slow for the rest of the drive. My dreams of cutting a 3 hour car ride into 2 are shattered.
About twenty minutes later, I spot a trooper a few cars ahead of me in the left lane. He pulls into the right lane and someone passes him. Somone passed the fucking cop. Idiot. The cop pulls behind him and it's Christmas. The lights go on. Fucking idiot. The car he's trying to pull over is a black van. The van's breaklights begin to flicker and flash. It's a fucking unmarked police vehicle or something. Cop turns off his lights, and so does the van. What the fuck. I see like three other cop cars further along.
I'm on the Taconic Parkway south. I took Rt. 17 E to 84 E to where I am right now. I hate the Taconic here. The guard rail is closer than I'd like it to be and it always makes me nervous. I wouldn't be going this way but it makes more sense since I'm dropping my friend off in Shrub Oak. Luckily there's barely any traffic, so I don't have to worry about passing people with about a pubic hair of space between us. I get to the Shrub Oak exit victorious. I just avoided the largest agglomoration of cops I've seen in a while, and my speedometer doesn't work. There must be an accident or something because two cop cars are at the end of the off-ramp slowing people down. A cop is slowing me down. He's slowing me down a lot. He's stopping me. He's asking me to roll down my window. "Your inspection is expired." Fuck. What? "Twelve oh three." Fucking December 3rd. Today is the fifteenth. I forgot that my mom took my car to get inspected while I was in school last fall. Usually my inspection goes in August. I've been studying for finals and packing and getting excited about going home and I never even imagined that my inspection could be expired. Fuck. He asks where I'm coming from and I tell him school. He asks where I go and my passanger chirps in that we attent Binghamton University. He takes my license and my registration and asks me to hold tight. He walks over to his car. Fuck. If he's walking to his car, why wouldn't he give me a ticket? If I walked to my car, I'd give a ticket. Waste of time if I didn't. He comes back to my window.
"We're gonnna give you a break this time, but get that taken care of."
I thank the officer and get my friend the fuck home. Weirdest shit ever. How did I just escape that? I was figuring out ways to plea. I was going to ask if it's legal for the police to stop cars and check the inspection. I heard they can't. Someone told me it's entrapment and it's not legal. But they gave me a break. That's never happened to me before. Well shit. I get my friend home and I have to piss really bad. That's not important, but damn do I have to piss so bad. I'm driving home and I'm being extra careful because I figure this can only be leading up to something terrible. About twenty seconds from my house, a car is pulled over on the side of the road up ahead. A final threat; a taunt or a mockery of some sort. I'm still in danger, even so close to home. I pull into my street, more skeeved out than I've been in a while. I pull into my driveway. Score. I should have gotten two speeding tickets and a ticket for having an expired inspection. But I'm home, and I really don't want to drive anywhere for a while. Remind me to make a toast to the fellow (or was it a girl?) who got pulled over for me way back on Rt. 17.