wheelchairman
05-22-2006, 11:23 AM
This is great. Unfortunately it won't last but you should all check it out. The description of all the internet personas so well. There are definitely people I recognize from it. Actually, let's see if we can match them up!
Edit I'll just copy/paste the article here: the Original can be seen at www.somethingawful.com Originally by Zack "Geist" Parsons.
The Magic of the Internet Prism
The Internet could be great. It could be a place for ideas to flourish without the fickle constraints of the flesh. It could be a place to commune and collaborate on projects that help all of humanity. It could be the best résumé ever, limited only by the imagination.
As we all know, the Internet has proven to be nothing of the sort. Stripped of their loathsome bodies, the troglodytes that inhabit the glowing corridors of information have turned out to be a petty, egotistical and largely inane lot of cretins obsessed with sex. Rather than a glorious utopia for research and learning, the Internet has become a tool for people to transform themselves into something else. In the more obvious cases they try to escape from reality, to become a character of their own devising, from something as fanciful as a furry to something as deceptively mundane as a different person.
More commonly, however, the Internet serves as a prism, through which the user unconsciously creates an idealized representation of themselves. It is a combination of vanity and low self-esteem that compels everyone to apply a sort of mental airbrush when it comes to portraying themselves on the Internet. Here is an illustration explaining this complex process:
http://i.somethingawful.com/mjolnir/images/elpintogrande~05-22-2006-prism.jpg
would like to devote today's updating to celebrating those who pass unwittingly through the Internet Prism to become something different.
http://i.somethingawful.com/mjolnir/images/elpintogrande~05-22-2006-internetmale.jpg
Internet Male
Real Life: A slovenly sad sack with a sex life so dismal that he is more likely to spontaneously spore than to ever reproduce sexually. Will either marry the first woman who kisses him or spend the rest of his life living in his parent's basement.
The Internet: The Internet Male has been described here before, but he is an ever-spreading species. He is a chauvinist to the core who treats women the way he feels that women treat him. He is a firm believer in the ladder theory who constantly espouses the value of various speed seduction techniques. The Internet Male finds flaws in every woman and exudes hyper masculinity until the moment a female arrives in his vicinity. At that point Internet Male either flops back into a fawning or groveling attempt at winning the woman's affection or declares her a "whore" and demands that she "post her tits."
Habitat: Universal. The Internet Male can be found inhabiting every corner of the Internet. Population density decreases on boards and in chat rooms dominated by women and men pretending to be women.
Defining Quote: "Mandy Moore disgusts me. I don't understand how anyone can find her attractive."
Mortal Enemy: Internet Male hates Internet Socialite. The irony, of course, is that in real life they are probably perfect for each other. Unfortunately, their fanciful Internet Prism images are like two carefully chosen Pokémon dueling it out until their mutual destruction is assured.
http://i.somethingawful.com/mjolnir/images/elpintogrande~05-22-2006-expert.jpg
Internet Expert
Real Life: A person with a hobby and intellectual low self-esteem.
The Internet: A person with unparalleled knowledge and absolute mastery of a given subject. The Internet Expert usually displays this quasi-knowledge in one of two ways, depending upon his setting. Among his Internet Expert peers he will engage in heated shouting matches and long arguments over minutiae. Among non-Internet Experts the Internet Expert will gloat about his superior knowledge and remark upon the astounding ignorance of the plebeians with whom he is forced to share the Internet.
Habitat: Largely congregates in specialty newsgroups or on specialty forums, but will usually have a side "general" habitat where he can impress others with his incredible knowledge. Has written or edited a Wikipedia article, probably incorrectly.
Defining Quote: "Heh, you guys think everything is an assault rifle. News flash: just because it looks like an AK-47 doesn't mean it's an AK-47."
Mortal Enemy: The mortal enemy of an Internet Expert is always another Internet Expert. That said, an Internet Expert can be dealt a crushing blow by a non-expert who manages to factually contradict their argument or information. This will often send an Internet Expert careening towards a dramatic implosion.
http://i.somethingawful.com/mjolnir/images/elpintogrande~05-22-2006-internetbadass.jpg
Internet Badass
Real Life: A timid person who is frequently picked on by others.
The Internet: Passive aggressive machismo. Nothing frightens or phases Internet Badass and he's constantly wondering if that means something is wrong with him. Is it wrong that he ate a sandwich while watching that beheading video? Should he have been freaked out by that car accident he was just in? Is he going to hell because he laughed at that picture of the deformed fetus? The Internet Badass also loves to tell stories about how he dealt a stunning blow to his oppressors. He takes true stories of being teased, bullied or otherwise mistreated and adds in a wildly implausible ending where he executes karate moves, wields a katana or utters some pithy one-liner to crush his tormentors.
Habitat: Ubiquitous. Highest concentrations of Internet Badass can be found on the forums for Jackass-style video clip sites where teenagers hammer tacks into their faces.
Defining Quote:"There were some kids standing outside of my apartment building and one of them said 'fuck you, fat body' and I totally ripped out my katana and he started crying and also wet his pants."
Mortal Enemy: Although Internet Badass has no natural enemies, he is nearly always confronted by someone willing to call his behavior idiotic or his outlandish story obviously untrue.
Edit I'll just copy/paste the article here: the Original can be seen at www.somethingawful.com Originally by Zack "Geist" Parsons.
The Magic of the Internet Prism
The Internet could be great. It could be a place for ideas to flourish without the fickle constraints of the flesh. It could be a place to commune and collaborate on projects that help all of humanity. It could be the best résumé ever, limited only by the imagination.
As we all know, the Internet has proven to be nothing of the sort. Stripped of their loathsome bodies, the troglodytes that inhabit the glowing corridors of information have turned out to be a petty, egotistical and largely inane lot of cretins obsessed with sex. Rather than a glorious utopia for research and learning, the Internet has become a tool for people to transform themselves into something else. In the more obvious cases they try to escape from reality, to become a character of their own devising, from something as fanciful as a furry to something as deceptively mundane as a different person.
More commonly, however, the Internet serves as a prism, through which the user unconsciously creates an idealized representation of themselves. It is a combination of vanity and low self-esteem that compels everyone to apply a sort of mental airbrush when it comes to portraying themselves on the Internet. Here is an illustration explaining this complex process:
http://i.somethingawful.com/mjolnir/images/elpintogrande~05-22-2006-prism.jpg
would like to devote today's updating to celebrating those who pass unwittingly through the Internet Prism to become something different.
http://i.somethingawful.com/mjolnir/images/elpintogrande~05-22-2006-internetmale.jpg
Internet Male
Real Life: A slovenly sad sack with a sex life so dismal that he is more likely to spontaneously spore than to ever reproduce sexually. Will either marry the first woman who kisses him or spend the rest of his life living in his parent's basement.
The Internet: The Internet Male has been described here before, but he is an ever-spreading species. He is a chauvinist to the core who treats women the way he feels that women treat him. He is a firm believer in the ladder theory who constantly espouses the value of various speed seduction techniques. The Internet Male finds flaws in every woman and exudes hyper masculinity until the moment a female arrives in his vicinity. At that point Internet Male either flops back into a fawning or groveling attempt at winning the woman's affection or declares her a "whore" and demands that she "post her tits."
Habitat: Universal. The Internet Male can be found inhabiting every corner of the Internet. Population density decreases on boards and in chat rooms dominated by women and men pretending to be women.
Defining Quote: "Mandy Moore disgusts me. I don't understand how anyone can find her attractive."
Mortal Enemy: Internet Male hates Internet Socialite. The irony, of course, is that in real life they are probably perfect for each other. Unfortunately, their fanciful Internet Prism images are like two carefully chosen Pokémon dueling it out until their mutual destruction is assured.
http://i.somethingawful.com/mjolnir/images/elpintogrande~05-22-2006-expert.jpg
Internet Expert
Real Life: A person with a hobby and intellectual low self-esteem.
The Internet: A person with unparalleled knowledge and absolute mastery of a given subject. The Internet Expert usually displays this quasi-knowledge in one of two ways, depending upon his setting. Among his Internet Expert peers he will engage in heated shouting matches and long arguments over minutiae. Among non-Internet Experts the Internet Expert will gloat about his superior knowledge and remark upon the astounding ignorance of the plebeians with whom he is forced to share the Internet.
Habitat: Largely congregates in specialty newsgroups or on specialty forums, but will usually have a side "general" habitat where he can impress others with his incredible knowledge. Has written or edited a Wikipedia article, probably incorrectly.
Defining Quote: "Heh, you guys think everything is an assault rifle. News flash: just because it looks like an AK-47 doesn't mean it's an AK-47."
Mortal Enemy: The mortal enemy of an Internet Expert is always another Internet Expert. That said, an Internet Expert can be dealt a crushing blow by a non-expert who manages to factually contradict their argument or information. This will often send an Internet Expert careening towards a dramatic implosion.
http://i.somethingawful.com/mjolnir/images/elpintogrande~05-22-2006-internetbadass.jpg
Internet Badass
Real Life: A timid person who is frequently picked on by others.
The Internet: Passive aggressive machismo. Nothing frightens or phases Internet Badass and he's constantly wondering if that means something is wrong with him. Is it wrong that he ate a sandwich while watching that beheading video? Should he have been freaked out by that car accident he was just in? Is he going to hell because he laughed at that picture of the deformed fetus? The Internet Badass also loves to tell stories about how he dealt a stunning blow to his oppressors. He takes true stories of being teased, bullied or otherwise mistreated and adds in a wildly implausible ending where he executes karate moves, wields a katana or utters some pithy one-liner to crush his tormentors.
Habitat: Ubiquitous. Highest concentrations of Internet Badass can be found on the forums for Jackass-style video clip sites where teenagers hammer tacks into their faces.
Defining Quote:"There were some kids standing outside of my apartment building and one of them said 'fuck you, fat body' and I totally ripped out my katana and he started crying and also wet his pants."
Mortal Enemy: Although Internet Badass has no natural enemies, he is nearly always confronted by someone willing to call his behavior idiotic or his outlandish story obviously untrue.