Ballad of Postman Per

[Sin Studly]

So gather round ye children
And listen to my epic tale
The tale of a communist
Who delivers Denmark's mail
Not ashamed to be American
Not ashamed that he has cash
Not ashamed he wasn't born
As ghetto Paptown trash

Not ashamed to defend Israel
Nor admit that Maoists suck
He's only ashamed of his girlfriend
Because she is a stupid fuck
But there are things that should shame him
That are far far worse than Tizz
He's not ashamed to be a mailman
And not being allowed to take a whizz

So hark to the ballad of Postman Per
Who's proud to be a Yank
And we were proud of him until
He took a Dutch as his sperm-bank
And we've seen the little kissygif
We've even seen his nipples
Despite the huge taboo on porn
That features worthless cripples

But we're still looking for reasons,
To explain his awful taste,
And Tizz is just the start of it,
It's really such a waste,
So here's the part you stop reading
And beg of me to just stop ;
He likes movies like Stargate
And motherfucking Robocop

So what can create such a man,
Whose tastes are not that of heaven,
Apart from Strontium-Ninety,
And Caesium-One-Three-Seven?
For this Red was born defected
With a malady quite ignoble
For his old mama gave birth to him
In the wake of the Chernobyl

So hark to the ballad of Postman Per
Who's proud to be a Yank
And we were proud of him until
He took a Dutch as his sperm-bank
And we've seen the little kissygif
We've even seen his nipples
Despite the huge taboo on porn
That features worthless cripples

[Izie]

<3 the ballads.

Silly mailman Per!

[Sin Studly]

h8 crippled radioactive birth-defects.

The Chernobyl thing makes him like a superhero. MailMan!

[Tizzalicious]

Haha, I love it! Even though I probably shouldn't :(

[Vera]

The sperm-bank line KILLED me.

This is one of the coolest ones ever.

[Sin Studly]

Haha, I love it! Even though I probably shouldn't :(

Pfft, you know I didn't mean a word of it (except the worthless cripple and birth-defects part)..

edit ; I somehow wrote 'whore' instead of 'word'. Even my subconcious pwns Maartje. :(

[Vera]

You're so awful, Justin. As (typo'ed 'ass') if her life isn't bad enough, she has a boyfriend with no legs! How is one to have sex with such a crippled loser?

[Tizzalicious]

Oh, alright then. I can live with that, dating a cripple isn't all that bad.

[wheelchairman]

Maartje is simply part of my eugenics program!

p.s. this is awesome.

[Izie]

I just wanted to add I <3 Per too. He needs to be online more so we can plot :(

[Little_Miss_1565]

*applause*

[BREAK]

Best one yet. I'm not just kissing ass because it's about my favorite communist mail-delivering cripple with the worst taste in everything ever.

[Harnum]

Hah! Sheer greatness!

[Marco]

oK everybody, I have to announce that I'm officialy a die-hard fan of these ballads.

[XYlophonetreeZ]

oK everybody, I have to announce that I'm officialy a die-hard fan of these ballads.
I doubt you even get most of the references in them.

[Marco]

I doubt you even get most of the references in them.
I doubt your brain can handle to think.

[killer_queen]

oK everybody, I have to announce that I'm officialy a die-hard fan of these ballads.
Forget it. He's not gonna write a new one for you.

[XYlophonetreeZ]

Oh noez, I'm having my intelligence insulted by this guy:
I post on the "You know when you're addicted to the offspring when...." thread and that requires creative minds.

Oh, and you don't get the dtoxrockers joke either, yet you go so far as to have it in your sig. Stop trying so hard to fit in, nobody will ever like you.

[the_GoDdEsS]

Stop ruining the thread, people.

[Marco]

Oh noez, I'm having my intelligence insulted by this guy:

Oh, and you don't get the dtoxrockers joke either, yet you go so far as to have it in your sig. Stop trying so hard to fit in, nobody will ever like you.
surely not by motherfuckers like you.
for the goddess & everybody else: sorry I cannot stand him.

[barangatang]

But we're still looking for reasons,
To explain his awful taste,
And Tizz is just the start of it,
It's really such a waste,
So here's the part you stop reading
And beg of me to just stop ;
He likes movies like Stargate
And motherfucking Robocop

So what can create such a man,
Whose tastes are not that of heaven,
Apart from Strontium-Ninety,
And Caesium-One-Three-Seven?
For this Red was born defected
With a malady quite ignoble
For his old mama gave birth to him
In the wake of the Chernobyl

Best back to back lines in a sin ballad ever. Great job.

[ninthlayer]

I'm glad that the kissygif made into Per's ballad.

And Marco, you really don't get half of the lines.

[Sin Studly]

I might just double-up on it and put it in the ballad of ninthlayer too.

[ninthlayer]

I prefer ninth to ninthlayer.

[JohnnyNemesis]

This seems like the Ballad of Tizzalicious more than the Ballad of Postman Per.

[Sin Studly]

It'd be more Per-ry if he learned to log out of her fucking account.

[JohnnyNemesis]

Fair enough/true indeed.