The Ballad of Joey

[Sin Studly]

So gather round ye children
And listen to my epic tale
The tale of a worthless moaning fuck
The size of a blue whale
The tale of a guy who wanted
To get the fuck away from here
So I guess it's a fucking wonder
He doesn't fucking disappear

For he is a fat crybaby
And all he ever does is whine
Unsolicited he doth recite
The worn-out party line
"TripBoy gets the attention
His ego you all stroke
Man this shitty forum is
A stupid shitty joke"

So I guess it stands to reason
And I guess we wonder why
Fat Joey doesn't leave this place
Or better yet ; just die
For it seems nobody likes him
And he sure likes none of us
But maybe he can't leave his house
Because he's the size of a bus

So hark to the tale of Joey
And fill your hearts with scorn
Show your disgust and your contempt
For old "Admiral Aragorn"
It's time to raise the gangplank
And send this mollusc on his way
Cause this place makes him so miserable
He's got no fucking reason to stay

So hark ye now my children,
And have ware of the seas,
For when the salty spray subsides,
The scent of lard is in the breeze,
For he slumbers like the Kraken,
Down within the briny deep,
And bursts out unexpectedly,
To have another fucking weep,

So repel this sea-vagina,
And cut him but little slack,
And speak ye not of football games,
Lest ye attract him back,
For on vicarious living,
Is what this monster feeds,
Whilst he gorges on his pork rinds,
In his mind he plays for Leeds,

But those of ye with derring-do,
And nerves of hardest steel,
Step foward to man the starboard aft,
Put ballast in the keel,
Raise anchor and the top-sail
And leave behind the land-lubber
For we'll hunt the Great Whining Whale
And we'll render him for blubber

So hark to the tale of Joey
And fill your hearts with scorn
Show your disgust and your contempt
For old "Admiral Aragorn"
It's time to raise the gangplank
And send this mollusc on his way
Cause this place makes him so miserable
He's got no fucking reason to stay

[wheelchairman]

Too much butt-piracy at the end. I loved the beginning though. Especially the reference to Aragorn.

[Sin Studly]

Too much butt-piracy? There's no such thing as too much butt-piracy!!!

Avast ye, raise anchor and swab the decks. Load the harpoons for whining whale and prime cannons for full broadside, me hearties! Full haul on the starboard side!

Twas on the good ship Venus
Bichrist you should have seen us
The figurehead was a Slav in bed
And the mast was Izie's penis
The Capt'n of this tugger,
He was a worthless bugger,
He was unfit and he shot up shit
In one arm then the other,

Friggin' in the riggin'
Friggin' in the riggin'
Friggin' in the riggin'
There was fuck'all else to do

The first mate's name was Sarah,
No pirate wench was fairer,
But our stores did lack,
Pork and hardtack,
And tofu was much rarer,
The second mate was Simona,
The Cap'n was her owner,
But the dirty slut,
Wiggled her butt,
And gave the whole crew a boner,

[Izie]

Oh my.

I haven't laughed this hard recently.

[the_GoDdEsS]

I burst out laughing at this, hard (4u).

[Sin Studly]

The third mate was ninthlayer,
He was an awful player,
He wore them chaps,
For Slav butt-slaps,
And couldn't look much gayer,
The bosun's name was Maartje,
And while we slept after a paartje
From too much drink,
Painted the ship pink,
She wasn't very smaartje,

Friggin' in the riggin'
Friggin' in the riggin'
Friggin' in the riggin'
There was fuck'all else to do

The cabin boy was ruroken,
He was far too outspoken,
He went real schitz,
So we gave him Rits,
And his brain got fucking broken,
The Cap'n had a daughter,
Who approved of Stalin's slaughter,
And she denied,
The genocide,
And gave the Jews no quarter,

[nieh]

This is probably my least favorite ballad but the other stuff you wrote in here was amazing.

[Little_Miss_1565]

So repel this sea-vagina,

My favorite single line of all the ballads thus far.

YAY, I MADE THE BBS 'FRIGGIN' IN THE RIGGIN''! My life is complete!

http://myspace-490.vo.llnwd.net/00282/09/46/282096490_m.jpg

[Sin Studly]

Not only that, you're me first mate. Avast ye!

[JohnnyNemesis]

Quality stuff.

...*strokes your ego*

[Little_Miss_1565]

Not only that, you're me first mate. Avast ye!

Avast, else I'll plunder your booty!

[Sin Studly]

Well, ye've just primed me cannon. Prepare to be boarded.

[BREAK]

THIS is the one I was waiting for. Didn't disappoint.