Sin Studly
10-25-2008, 08:02 AM
If there's one thing I love in a movie, it's one of those epic historical films with a massive pitched battle scene. The type before trenches were invented, when thousands of people just lined up and started shooting and hacking at each other. If you can recommend any movies with a great battle scene, preferably pre-WW1, light on the CGI, and not utterly pussified by some castrated Hollywood faggot trying desperately to get a PG rating on it, I'd be eternally grateful. Naval battles would be appreciated too, especially from the Age of Sail.
Here's my picks.
Aleksandr Nevsky (Teutonic Order vs Republic of Novgorod)
Battle of the Ice (http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=dTISdgDjo-w)
Best battle scene ever.
Last Samurai - Final Battle
Part 1 (http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=8F_1wgjBUvY)
Part 2 (http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=AY11v5w6DdQ)
Tom Cruise acting not so crazy as usual.
Braveheart - Battle of Stirling (bridge? lol)
Link (http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=nBCjH5BKU4A)
Mel Gibson acting not so crazy as usual.
Gladiator - Romans vs Germans
Link (http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=6foGlyNor_g)
Russel Crowe acting not so crazy as usual.
Kingdom of Heaven - Battle of Kerak
Link (http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=0eCJZJXL3M4)
Fucking Muslims.
The Lighthorsemen
WW1
Australia vs Ottoman Empire
Battle of Beersheba (http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=vvjE3h0Ahz8)
I know I said pre-WW1, but I gotta put something with my own countrymen in it. And besides, it's the battle of Beersheba ; last successful cavalry charge in history. Courageous and/or retarded mounted infantry making a cavalry charge against a fucking trench. And winning, somehow. They didn't even have proper sabres, they had to unscrew their bayonets and use them as swords. It's too awesome not to include, even if the movie did suck a little.
The Charge of the Light Brigade
Crimean War
Britain vs Russia
Charge of the Light Brigade (http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=pXzCOlPHFmc)
I like this old gem, even if the filmmakers apparantly decided to change the end so the British won. Which kind of destroys the whole fucking point of the charge being a testament to the bravery of the British cavalrymen who charged into a suicidal and utterly unwinnable situation.
1612
The Time of Troubles
Russia vs Poland
Trailer (http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=1VKkc1CVSAc)
This is apparantly a Russian children's movie. I couldn't find a video of any of the battles, but the movie is good enough if you don't mind that it's basically written for children (Russia wins because a crazy old priest with magical powers sits in a tree, and then a unicorn joins the Russian army or something. Don't ask.). Don't let actual children watch it, though ; it's got plenty of rape, murder, infanticide, tongues carved out, people burned alive, swords shoved down motherfuckers throats and several people getting literally torn in fucking half by chainshot, with their entrails dangling out and their limbs hanging by flaps of skin. Oh, and you should really learn to fear Russian children.
The Old Tale when the Sun was a God
Polish Unification (mythical)
Pollock rabble vs Viking raiders
Ziemowit Piast vs Jarl Sigund (http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=9xl_8p5H9VU)
No subtitles, unfortunately ; but all that talking in the middle is the two armies agreeing to a single battle between their champions, and the loser's army must surrender. Vikings, apparantly, have some custom against surrendering to mortal men. It's shit like this that makes you want to weep for the vagination that Sweden has now become. Anyways, the movie itself was great.
With Fire and Sword
The Chielminski Uprising
Zaporozhie and Crimean Khanate vs Poland-Lithuania
Battle of Yellow Waters (http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=mD6UkzJs9h0)
I love this movie. Zaporozheks have to be the most lovably insane motherfuckers to walk the face of the fucking earth. Oh how I wish for simpler times, when one could massacre the jews, set your farts on fire and drink corn-brandy from a chamber-pot without Belgium sticking it's unwanted nose into your affairs.
Turkish Gambit
Russo-Turkish War of 1877
Russia vs Ottoman Empire
Relief of Pleven (http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=AHgK3QdByeQ)
The movie kinda sucked ; but this battle scene is great. Some awesome CGI, but used sparingly enough that you don't get the impression you're watching a fucking cartoon (like any 'epic' Hollywood's made in the last 10 years). I wish hollywood would go back to using squibs and blood capsules and using actual fucking stuntment.
The Sovereign's Servant
Great Northern War
Russia vs Sweden
Siege of Poltava pt. 1 (http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=24gQKRF9aJ0)
Siege of Poltava pt. 2 (http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=esMhRIpxhSQ)
Siege of Poltava pt. 3 (http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=3j5X432TESM)
This movie was pretty fantastic. The battle of the redoubt at the start is kinda lame and done in the Hollywood tradition (strong focus on what the main characters are doing during the battle, slow-motion tributes to them), but the second part where Menshikov and Peter stop Karl's manuevere is great, and more typical of a Mosfilm style battle). Also, the movie was somewhat ruined by last 3 minutes where they seemed to have tacked on a Hollywood-style happy ending (the dead main character pops up not dead and adopts the poor orphaned kiddies and pretty much shouts out HAPPY ENDING)
Taras Bulba
Chielminski Uprising (again)
Zaporozhie and Crimean Khanate vs Poland-Lithuania
Trailer (http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=GZHA9tHvzCk)
This hasn't even come out yet, but if you've read Gogol you can pretty much be assured it's going be the best movie that will ever, ever be made. Here's a trailer.
Here's my picks.
Aleksandr Nevsky (Teutonic Order vs Republic of Novgorod)
Battle of the Ice (http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=dTISdgDjo-w)
Best battle scene ever.
Last Samurai - Final Battle
Part 1 (http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=8F_1wgjBUvY)
Part 2 (http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=AY11v5w6DdQ)
Tom Cruise acting not so crazy as usual.
Braveheart - Battle of Stirling (bridge? lol)
Link (http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=nBCjH5BKU4A)
Mel Gibson acting not so crazy as usual.
Gladiator - Romans vs Germans
Link (http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=6foGlyNor_g)
Russel Crowe acting not so crazy as usual.
Kingdom of Heaven - Battle of Kerak
Link (http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=0eCJZJXL3M4)
Fucking Muslims.
The Lighthorsemen
WW1
Australia vs Ottoman Empire
Battle of Beersheba (http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=vvjE3h0Ahz8)
I know I said pre-WW1, but I gotta put something with my own countrymen in it. And besides, it's the battle of Beersheba ; last successful cavalry charge in history. Courageous and/or retarded mounted infantry making a cavalry charge against a fucking trench. And winning, somehow. They didn't even have proper sabres, they had to unscrew their bayonets and use them as swords. It's too awesome not to include, even if the movie did suck a little.
The Charge of the Light Brigade
Crimean War
Britain vs Russia
Charge of the Light Brigade (http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=pXzCOlPHFmc)
I like this old gem, even if the filmmakers apparantly decided to change the end so the British won. Which kind of destroys the whole fucking point of the charge being a testament to the bravery of the British cavalrymen who charged into a suicidal and utterly unwinnable situation.
1612
The Time of Troubles
Russia vs Poland
Trailer (http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=1VKkc1CVSAc)
This is apparantly a Russian children's movie. I couldn't find a video of any of the battles, but the movie is good enough if you don't mind that it's basically written for children (Russia wins because a crazy old priest with magical powers sits in a tree, and then a unicorn joins the Russian army or something. Don't ask.). Don't let actual children watch it, though ; it's got plenty of rape, murder, infanticide, tongues carved out, people burned alive, swords shoved down motherfuckers throats and several people getting literally torn in fucking half by chainshot, with their entrails dangling out and their limbs hanging by flaps of skin. Oh, and you should really learn to fear Russian children.
The Old Tale when the Sun was a God
Polish Unification (mythical)
Pollock rabble vs Viking raiders
Ziemowit Piast vs Jarl Sigund (http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=9xl_8p5H9VU)
No subtitles, unfortunately ; but all that talking in the middle is the two armies agreeing to a single battle between their champions, and the loser's army must surrender. Vikings, apparantly, have some custom against surrendering to mortal men. It's shit like this that makes you want to weep for the vagination that Sweden has now become. Anyways, the movie itself was great.
With Fire and Sword
The Chielminski Uprising
Zaporozhie and Crimean Khanate vs Poland-Lithuania
Battle of Yellow Waters (http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=mD6UkzJs9h0)
I love this movie. Zaporozheks have to be the most lovably insane motherfuckers to walk the face of the fucking earth. Oh how I wish for simpler times, when one could massacre the jews, set your farts on fire and drink corn-brandy from a chamber-pot without Belgium sticking it's unwanted nose into your affairs.
Turkish Gambit
Russo-Turkish War of 1877
Russia vs Ottoman Empire
Relief of Pleven (http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=AHgK3QdByeQ)
The movie kinda sucked ; but this battle scene is great. Some awesome CGI, but used sparingly enough that you don't get the impression you're watching a fucking cartoon (like any 'epic' Hollywood's made in the last 10 years). I wish hollywood would go back to using squibs and blood capsules and using actual fucking stuntment.
The Sovereign's Servant
Great Northern War
Russia vs Sweden
Siege of Poltava pt. 1 (http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=24gQKRF9aJ0)
Siege of Poltava pt. 2 (http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=esMhRIpxhSQ)
Siege of Poltava pt. 3 (http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=3j5X432TESM)
This movie was pretty fantastic. The battle of the redoubt at the start is kinda lame and done in the Hollywood tradition (strong focus on what the main characters are doing during the battle, slow-motion tributes to them), but the second part where Menshikov and Peter stop Karl's manuevere is great, and more typical of a Mosfilm style battle). Also, the movie was somewhat ruined by last 3 minutes where they seemed to have tacked on a Hollywood-style happy ending (the dead main character pops up not dead and adopts the poor orphaned kiddies and pretty much shouts out HAPPY ENDING)
Taras Bulba
Chielminski Uprising (again)
Zaporozhie and Crimean Khanate vs Poland-Lithuania
Trailer (http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=GZHA9tHvzCk)
This hasn't even come out yet, but if you've read Gogol you can pretty much be assured it's going be the best movie that will ever, ever be made. Here's a trailer.