Another Dilemma.

[JoY]

I know, I know. the last topic ended up with the conclusion that I should just let relations be & see what happens, even though I have dirty info about one of the two partners involved. this situation is actually a bit different, though. last time I knew both people involved in the relationship & was friends with both of them, which made it a real tough situation. that's NOT how it is this time.

I have an -awesome- gay friend. I swear, he's a loss for all females out there. he's humorous, sweet, good looking (yess he iss), always smiles, plays the contrabass in a real sexy way & the violon cello on top. (got to love a guy, who plays classical instruments<3) he's in my gypsy band & as we're a tight group, we're like this together. *makes a fitting hand motion* in the past he's always covered my back, when I was about to do something stupid. one time, when I was about to go home to have sex with a random guy, he walked up to him & said "you better treat her good, she's special". I'll never forget that. especially because I felt so very unspecial that one moment.

this lovely guy has a boyfriend outside Amsterdam. I don't know his boyfriend & I don't know how serious together they are really, but I think one is taking the relationship a LOT less seriously, than the other.

his boyfriend happens to live in the same city as -my- boyfriend's brother. & not only that, my boyfriend's brother & he are in the same fraternity-group. so my boyfriend had some interesting 'dirty' info on this fellow. it appears to be so (& this is no silly rumour, this is simply so), that lately he's been questioning his sexuality & the day he expressed this matter to his friends, he found it necessary to grab the first girl in his reach, take her home & fuck her silly.

now, I'm no queen of morals; I've crossed a couple of lines in my life & there have always been friends to cover my back for me & to keep it from getting out in the open, but this simply goes way too far. if you ask me..

I really, really want to tell my friend about this. why? because I don't want him to get hurt. but I DON'T want to be the cause of any drama. but this type of cheating (the one that includes sex, not the type that includes heterosexual, or homosexual sex. that doesn't bother me in particular) is just plain wrong. once again my boyfriend has asked me not to tell anyone about this. but you know? he's got the right to know. right? but if I tell him, I'll probably hurt him, now he's so happy with his beloved boyfriend... this all is so confusing.

help? anyone? just a tiny piece of advice & LOGICAL thinking?

oh yeah, & I kind of know his boyfriend, because he's in the gypsy band of that other city & we sometimes play together. tonight we're going to meet up with the other band & I'll have to look at his face & my friend & him together, knowing this. it just sucks.

[HornyPope]

It takes a fag to judge an inter-sexes relation. I've not the slightest clue if it's "okay" for a homo to cheat on his partner with a female.

[wheelchairman]

Gays are generally incredibly open, sexually. It likely depends on the situation and the couple though.

What would I do if I were you? Either stay out of it for now, or talk to the boyfriend who did the fucking. Anything else would lead to drama most certainly, and there's a good chance you simply don't know enough to make an educated opinion on the matter.

[JoY]

Vlad - sex is sex, right? of all people YOU should agree with me on this.
& sex with another person, than the one you're involved with, is cheating, right?
irrespective of what hangs, or doesn't hang between his/her legs, right?

but you're sexually a free person, we all know that.

either way, I think you can really pick a better moment to experiment with your sexuality, than when you're in a relationship. I don't really need a judgement, because that'll stay just another opinion & my mind is already made up. obviously. I need an opinion on what I can't make up my mind about; if I should tell him.

[JoY]

Gays are generally incredibly open, sexually. It likely depends on the situation and the couple though.

What would I do if I were you? Either stay out of it for now, or talk to the boyfriend who did the fucking. Anything else would lead to drama most certainly, and there's a good chance you simply don't know enough to make an educated opinion on the matter.
hmm. this frustrates me. I actually never talk with the guy, who did the fucking. it'd be weird to suddenly walk up to him, like; "hey, you fucked some girl. planning on telling your boyfriend about that any time soon?" the look on his face will probably be hilarious, but I doubt the outcome of that will be any good.

if they aren't serious together & are being sexually incredibly open, then it wouldn't hurt to tell him, right? & if they are serious together & convinced of monogamy (or at least one of them), then he should be updated on his boyfriend's behaviour, no? ack. maybe my view is just far off. I can't figure out what would be best.

[HornyPope]

See, if my girl came to me morally crunched to rid of her guilt over how she slept with a girl one time behind my back, i'll just whip it out and stroke myself happy as she recounts all the horrible, horrible, horrible details. Now if it had been a guy...

"You better run for your life if you can, little girl
Hide your head in the sand little girl
Catch you with another man
That's the end"

Nop, i'm afraid i'm not as sexually free as I claimed to be at times.

[Faust]

keep out of it.


<all persons are presumed to be innocent and no person may be convicted of an offense unless each element of the offense is proved beyond a reasonable doubt —Texas Penal Code>

..unless you`re totally sure about his guiltiness.

[JoY]

Nop, i'm afraid i'm not as sexually free as I claimed to be at times.
I know. that's why I said it.
*smiles*

[nieh]

Why does your boyfriend keep telling you these things if he doesn't expect you to tell anyone!? Next time your boyfriend tries to tell you anything about anything, kill him.
Anyway, in my book, cheating is cheating. If I found out my non-existant girlfriend had sex with another girl while we were dating, I'd be just as pissed as if it were a guy. That being said, I don't know if your friend thinks the same way as I do or not.

[JoY]

that's how I feel about it too. BUT as you I don't really know how these two lovebirds would feel about it. & I told my boyfriend how I felt & he got scared to death I'd tell anyone & said it was none of my business. I tried to throw in the argument, that it's my friend's business & that I'm his friend, so.. aren't I supposed to look out for him, even if it's just a little? but he said I don't know them both, so that I can't judge what their relationship together is like. there's a point in that. so I decided to keep out of it. again.

my boyfriend like, SO owes me now.
& you're right. next time I'll definitely make sure I hold a gun to my darling boyfriend's head & threaten to pull the trigger if he shares any more private information on people with me. grah.


Edit: the later it gets, the odder my English. what?

[nieh]

my boyfriend like, SO owes me now.
& you're right. next time I'll definitely make sure I hold a gun to my darling boyfriend's head & threaten to pull the trigger if he shares any more private information on people with me. grah.

You should make the threat now and stop it from happening ahead of time. That way he doesn't say "hey, you'll never guess what I heard about blah blah blah" and get you all curious.

[Linda]

I doubt you'll care about my opinion, but I'll say it anyway.

I think you should just keep quiet and stay out of it. For you, it's really only hearsay. If you tell your friend, he might get angry with you and not talk to you anymore. It's not like you saw this guy fuck the girl yourself. How do you know the guy really did fuck the girl? Maybe he was just talking shit. How do you know for a fact that's it's true unless you caught him yourself?
Depending on how your friend feels about this guy, if you tell him, he might not even believe you. What happens behind closed doors is only the business of who is behind those closed doors. Think about how you would feel if your best friend came to you and told you that your boyfriend fucked a guy. Would you believe them? How would you react? Nah, I think it's best left alone. It your friend's boyfriend really is doing that, your friend will find out, best if it's not from you.

[JoY]

if my boyfriend had fucked anything else besides me, no matter what gender or kind, I'd really, really, really want to know. because it's MY business too, who he fucks with. & everything but another guy, that prefers sexual satisfaction over me. if a guy in a relationship can't behave like he's in a relationship, then he shouldn't be in one in the first place.

[Linda]

*shrugs* Well, take the risk and tell him then. In the end, it's entirely up to you anyway. Maybe talk to your friend first to get a feel of how deep he's in the relationship, then decide what to do. I just feel if a "friend" was to tell me something like that about my boyfriend I wouldn't believe them and I would have ill feelings afterwards toward that friend. Everyone would react differently tho.

[DirtyMagical]

A few days ago I tipped a friend of mine on his girl cheating on him... with his twin brother... i mean all the evidence was there.. the hickies, she addmitted to saying what she said...but somehow in the end she ended up dodging the bullet and he bought all her excuses. I knew for sure of her guiltiness,since i witnessed it...

The point of my story was that, the cheating boyfriend can make up legit enough excuse in any case. Talking to the faithful one could give him more time to rethink the situation before he has to face him...

^all that might be confusing... but it's only because, I myself am currently confused... =/