MsSelfDestruct
04-12-2005, 01:27 PM
English is difficult. Can you read these sentences correctly... the
first time?
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The landfill was so full, they had to refuse more refuse.
4) Please polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could be in the lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier chose to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, it is time to present
the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does strange antics when does are around.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong for us to wind the sail.
18) I shed a tear upon seeing the tear in the painting.
19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
20) I need to intimate this to my most intimate friend?
Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in
eggplant, no ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England nor French fries in
France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't
sweet, are meat.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we
find that
quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea
pig is
neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers
write but fingers
don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth,
beeth? One
goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Is it
not
crazy that you can make amends, but not one amend? If you have a
bunch of odds
and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers
taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I
think the first 'teachers of the language' should have been
committed to an
asylum for the verbally insane. How is it that people recite a play
and
play at a recital; ship by truck and send cargo by ship; have noses
that run and feet
that smell??
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise
man and a
wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a
language in which your house can burn up as it burns down; you fill
in a form by
filling it out and an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and reflects the
creativity
of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. This is
why when
the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out,
they are
invisible.
P.S. Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"????
yesiree bob. english sucks ass.
first time?
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The landfill was so full, they had to refuse more refuse.
4) Please polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could be in the lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier chose to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, it is time to present
the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does strange antics when does are around.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong for us to wind the sail.
18) I shed a tear upon seeing the tear in the painting.
19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
20) I need to intimate this to my most intimate friend?
Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in
eggplant, no ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England nor French fries in
France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't
sweet, are meat.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we
find that
quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea
pig is
neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers
write but fingers
don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth,
beeth? One
goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Is it
not
crazy that you can make amends, but not one amend? If you have a
bunch of odds
and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers
taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I
think the first 'teachers of the language' should have been
committed to an
asylum for the verbally insane. How is it that people recite a play
and
play at a recital; ship by truck and send cargo by ship; have noses
that run and feet
that smell??
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise
man and a
wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a
language in which your house can burn up as it burns down; you fill
in a form by
filling it out and an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and reflects the
creativity
of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. This is
why when
the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out,
they are
invisible.
P.S. Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"????
yesiree bob. english sucks ass.