Family revelations

[Vera]

My cousin just called me ... she's been packing up my recently deceased granddad's stuff in our family's old summer house because they are selling it and she just found these letters.. In Swedish .. (my granddad is Finnish-Swede but spoke Finnish to his wife&kids)

My cousin goes, "They're for a friend of his he met in the army and if I'm reading them right.."

That's fucking right. Ricky Martin all over those letters.

Three things why this is so shocking to me

1) Because it makes so much fucking sense. This man was always cold and distant and withdrew to spend time on his own. He didn't seem to love his kids. He didn't seem to love anybody. If this is the reason - and I guess it's still an if - it just makes sense. It gives him reason, somehow.

2) Grandmum probably knows. Has known the whole time. So fucked up. And she's the most anti-gay Christian I know .. she divorced church recently because some new bishop in Finland is not as anti-gay as she is. Good grief.

3) Nobody will believe this. It'll become one of those hushed things nobody ever discusses, one of those godawful family secrets and I'm so upset by this. I want this shit to be out. I want us to talk about it - for the benefit of other family members who might be in the closet, for the benefit of those who hate guys, for those of us who don't and actually know gay people.

This shit needs to be out in the open.

But it won't be. My cousin is already semi-disliked by grandma (though she won't say it), they'll just deny it if we ever bring it up. They'll deny the content of the letters based on the fact they're in Swedish, they'll say "oh something lost in translation, doesn't mean they were like that.." and my cousin read some of them out to me, and it so blatant - well, as blatant as it can be during 1940's, YES they fucking were.

Gahhh excuse any errors in this post, just had to fucking vent about this issue. Off to call my other cousin to discuss to. Un-fucking-believable.

[Llamas]

That was quick... only 14 minutes in.

Oh. Um. I mean, WHAT?? RICKY MARTIN IS GAY??

[Harleyquiiinn]

Yes he is, Un Dos Tres, Mario.

Anyway, I see what you mean Vera but here is my point of view:

These letters won't change the close-minded members of your family and risks to mess things up a little more... Maybe you should see things like that. You are open-minded, your cousin is and you are the new generation. You can't change people... this gives you an explanation about why your grandfather was distant and possibly of why your grandmother is so anti-gay.

You say you want it to be revealed because it might help the ones in the closet but you really think that the reactions would be "Hey, I'm gay ! Just like Grandpa was !"

"Well if HE was gay then it's ok !"

Unfortunately this doesn't go so easily but things are changing... maybe now, your grandpa wouldn't have had to hide his homosexuality his whole life...

[Vera]

That was quick... only 14 minutes in.

Oh. Um. I mean, WHAT?? RICKY MARTIN IS GAY??

Consider yourself ignored, troll. Am too tired for this.

Harleyquinn, thanks for your thoughts. Much appreciated.

[wheelchairman]

Sounds like pain in the ass news.

I don't know why it should all be hush hush. I would imagine those of you who were not really part of his immediate family circle could talk about it. Like Harley mentioned, those of you who are roughly in your generation.

Personally if I found this out about one of my grandparents I would have a hard time relating to it. It wouldn't really change anything of my childhood, I'd just know more, so somehow it would be different nonetheless.

[Al Coholic]

All I know is this a complicated issue. People have opinions based on the here and now. Really, they should consider what was going on elsewhere and long ago. I can't say how you should handle this. Looking at it through my limited perspective doesn't really help.

For what it's worth though, maybe you shouldn't be so adament about this. Oh, you could be emotional and make a big deal out of it. Oh, you could change the way your Grandfather is remembered. Look at it through Grandma's perspective though, and ask yourself why she let this happen all these years. Shit, it might even be disrespecful to her to pursue this so much.

[wheelchairman]

A pretty resilient idea. Lies fooling our own limits. Sigh.

Och jag fattade inte, jag glömte datoen.

[WebDudette]

I don't know, I've always really been of the belief that I don't care if it fucks things up, the truth is the truth. I know that isn't always right though, I get the feeling that it is really going to get me in trouble some day. I do think that the people in the family who are willing to recognize it and talk about it, should. Unless of course, you know, this is all in jest.

[Free?]

I knew that pro-gay gene is in your blood, God knows I always did.

[T-6005]

I don't think it's about keeping lies vs. the truth. It's not always about shoving this kind of thing out into the open and talking it to death because really, what is there to discuss?

This kind of this comes more from a desire to have the truth acknowledged than to have the issue talked about and endlessly debated, which I feel is a completely different desire.

You don't want to ruin your relationships to your family - who does, really? But if these things exist, you want those around you to at least be able to acknowledge it so you can all absorb it into your collective consciousness and move past it. So every time you see those people you don't have to be 'do they know?' 'What do they think about it?' 'Will it be weird if I mention it?'

EDIT - Hang on a second....