I am in an awkward situation with my girlfriend...

[Llamas]

Its not awkward Im in the same situation but I am the female.
I have been in a relationship for 5 years, we've been living together for 4. While I am ready to move to the next step buying a house and getting engaged, he is NOWHERE NEAR THERE. I am 5 years younger, and have the means to buy my own home. He has no credit, a part time (2 day week job) and is going to school. When he gets his hands on any money he spends it on himself even though I pay the bills and all other expenses (groceries, going out etc) While sex is always amazing, its hardly worth it when you feel that your significant other is not on the same page, or selfish or simply doesnt care for or understand your side of the relationship. How can I want to have sex with that person? If I just wanted sex I wouldnt be in a relationship I'd be a bar slut like the others mentioned. While I love the guy I just dont feel its fair to him not to be physically intimate or if we should even continue to be together. I think about finding my own bar slut every other day but just am not the cheating type.

Uhh... why the fuck are you in this relationship? Sounds like complacency or fear of change. Why the hell would you want to marry a guy with no financial responsibility, who's selfish, and clearly doesn't care about you much at all? Plus, he's five years older and that far behind??

Sometimes I think women get bored of men WAY faster than men get bored of women.

Wow, what a ridiculous blanket statement. I'd get sick of a person, man or woman, REAL quick if they were like your boyfriend.

[Little_Miss_1565]

It's about 5 minutes past time to dump that motherfucker, Ugly Elf. Time for someone who adds to your life.

[UgLy_eLf]

I really do agree, I've pretty much found myself in the same old stagnant circle of bullshit for years. I am a person that is completely content with repetition, I like sameness I am aware of that too. Life is just easier when you know what the fuck will happen a week a month or a year from now. While boring its just easier that way. I'll change, I just don't know when or how just quite yet.

[Llamas]

Sorry if my comment was kind of harsh, I was a bit cranky when I made it. I do stand by what I said, but in a nicer tone. I don't know you one bit, but I can't imagine how you can be content with repetition - especially of that sort. I think I'd be too pissed all the time, haha. "Why does he deserve to be with me and have me take care of his ass all the time??" People in his position often just expect the other person to always just be there... which sounds fairly accurate at this point for him.

I sincerely can't imagine it being easier knowing that in a week, a year, a decade from now you'll still be unhappy supporting this bastard, than to have an open future full of possibilities that you'll meet someone who will sweep you off your feet and just be fabulous!

[UgLy_eLf]

It sucks when emotions/feelings are involved because it makes it so much harder to make decisions that will favor your life over your significant others. It wasn't always like this, he got into hard times after being laid off and decided to go to school while he was on unemployment. He was extremely shy and wouldn't let me buy anything for the first year. Then as he got more lazy and content with my supporting us, things just spun out of control. Yes I AM angry all of the time and he is always asking why. Rather stupid question when I indirectly let him know I'm tired of buying every thing around the house. At this point I really don't know if he just doesn't GET IT, or doesn't care. In dire need of a serious discussion and final decision. Things aren't as black and white as they seem, on the surface I am ready to move on, but on the inside its hard to fathom leaving someone I love because of the money.

[Lord Phidias]

Thanks for all your feedback. I don't know if I want to keep discussing this, but I reply to most comments just to clarify some stuff.

Other thing, if we want to discuss Ugly Elf's situation, let's make another thread, please. I didn't intend this thread, started by me, to discuss oher peoples situations. We can do that, I'm open to it and can add my opinion, but, in another thread please...

First of all, I don't know you, but from this post, you're giving signs of being a pretty good boyfriend. You care enough to try to figure out what's going on with her, and it seems that you're motivated by more than just having sex - it's surely a factor, but you seem concerned about her well-being, which is great.

I really am. I consider myself a good person, and so does my acquaintances, and yes, I get concerned about her, she has experienced some situations and has done some stupid things in the past (not with me), that messed up with her thoughts and her mind and it's not that I'm codependent, because most of the time she is great and we have an awesome relationship and she makes me feel so good, I love her, even if she is a teenager, I'll get into that later...

That said, in all your kindness and concern, my top piece of advice would be to back off. Most people absolutely would not want to have it brought up a lot, because it makes them feel pressured and even like you're upset about it (no matter how you word it, no matter your intentions... if she's already stressing about something, it'll just add to it). I'd recommend not asking her about it for at least a month, and only having sex with her when she asks. If she feels pressured at all, it could very, very well push her away to a point where she *does* break up just because she's overwhelmed.

It doesn't sound to *me* like she wants to break up, but I only know your account, and obviously I'm not there and don't know either of you. But from what you've said, it doesn't sound at all like she wants to break up. Not having sex when things seem otherwise to be going well is usually not a sign of that. Like Harley said, sex for women is quite a mental thing. I don't know how often it's like that for men, but in my personal experience, I know that when I'm stressed about something or my mind is elsewhere/distracted, I go through a serious dry spell. Just can't get in the mood or anything.

I will just back off, and see how it develops...

Don't try to push the limits to see how far they'll go.

Won't do.

19 years old is a teenager? You're legally an adult and can smoke/drink/vote/do anything an adult can when you turn 18 in Canada. I thought that was kind of common in most other places.

Same here in Mexico.

The clitoris, learn to find that shit.

Found it.

No, no, no, it's the G-spot, bro. He has to learn how to find THAT shit

Found it, according to her, but felt weird.

Its not awkward Im in the same situation but I am the female.
I have been in a relationship for 5 years, we've been living together for 4. While I am ready to move to the next step buying a house and getting engaged, he is NOWHERE NEAR THERE. I am 5 years younger, and have the means to buy my own home. He has no credit, a part time (2 day week job) and is going to school. When he gets his hands on any money he spends it on himself even though I pay the bills and all other expenses (groceries, going out etc) While sex is always amazing, its hardly worth it when you feel that your significant other is not on the same page, or selfish or simply doesnt care for or understand your side of the relationship. How can I want to have sex with that person? If I just wanted sex I wouldnt be in a relationship I'd be a bar slut like the others mentioned. While I love the guy I just dont feel its fair to him not to be physically intimate or if we should even continue to be together. I think about finding my own bar slut every other day but just am not the cheating type.

Your girlfriend is farther ahead than you are

Sometimes I think women get bored of men WAY faster than men get bored of women.

Well, she told be she got bored of 2 other guys before me, so I try to keep her interested with things we do, and solving my issues, for my own sake.

Harley's right. Don't be a prick just because you want to put your Mr. Peeper in her hoo-hoo-dilly. Consider what is more important to you. If you really care about the girl, show it. Don't badger her about sex. At that age, she has an insane amount of thoughts flying through her head. She doesn't need another wrench thrown in.

Then again, if you just want to fuck, break up with her and slam some random bar-slut. Whichever is more important to you, do it. Relationship? Commit. Hanky panky? Take a trip to Plow Town with a stranger. More power to you, man. Be confident in the decision you make. Otherwise, you'll second guess yourself and be a little bitch. And that could lead to HER breaking up with YOU or you cheating on her and lying about it.

Don't be a dick. Commit or Plow Town. Just be honest and pick one.

Yeah, dude, thanks, honesty and truth is the most importance asset in everything, at least for me.

Could be all or could be nothing ...

- She just doesn't want to have sex because she gained some weight.
- The "first thrill" is gone.
- Sex is not her No1 at the moment ...
- Could be her way of "goodbye" without actually saying goodbye and you breaking up sooner or later.

And yeah, sure, talking again and again and trying to find reasons is "pushing".

Just give it some time and see what happens.

I think this is the wisest thing to do... but what keeps me awake at nights is if this situation is a glipse of the end of the relationship in the far or near future... and not beacuse of sex, but because of ther things... But yes, I will just give her some time, not even mentioning anything related to that.

Here is how I see this:

What do you want more ? Sex or being with her ?

Because we can talk for hours about potential reasons she wouldn't want to have sex as often as she used to but the fact is : she doesn't want to have sex as often as she used to and if you pressure her (which you do, even if you don't feel like you do), you are going to end up losing her.

But the reason is clear when I read your message: Indeed, it has nothing to do with you. I think most girls (please, other people of the said gender, correct me if I'm wrong) needs an empty head to really enjoy sex. And it seems to me that your girlfriend, currently, simply doesn't. So rather than having a lot of sex and not loving it all the time, she chooses the right time.

The variable that changed before and after is : time. Less time, less sex.

I'm not sure if it has nothing to do with me, in the core... that's what keeps me a little anxious... and there's something that tells me that it's not just the time variable what's keepeng her from having sex.

Maybe there is something she is afraid of. Try to find the key to her thoughts about it and about you. As you say, her parents are overprotective... Maybe they have been the "creators" of this.

Nah, it's not that, they even buy her contraceptive pills... lucky me.

[Lord Phidias]

The only "awkward situation" is that you're 24 and you're dating a teenager.

Everyone who posted before me is wrong. You're 24 years old, unemployed with no prospect of ever being employed, you're basically homeless, and you're wondering why a teenage girl is turning cold on you? It's because she's maturing into an adult and is figuring out that you're one of those creepy guys who dates teenagers because women your own age aren't stupid enough to let you put anything in them.

Ok, first troll of the thread. Now, you have a point here, but as llamas said before, she doesn't know me, neither do you... I'm 24 yo, made quite bad desitioins in my life and now I'm in this situation, it sucks, but is where I am and I am working on moving on this lame shit and fix my life, not that you care...

So, a teenage girl just leaving an unhappy relationship with a guy her own age, mainly due to the only connection between them being sexual. If I had to guess, I'd say the male party was far less interested in her than he was in getting laid. Typical teenage stuff, right? But ending a failed relationship of that nature, it absolutely primes her for an older man to swoop in and play the "sensitive and considerate" angle, and grab her up with empty words like "love", "cherish" and "respect".

You guess wrong, she broke up with that kid because he was a pathetic little prick. She is with me because I'm not a stupid teenager and I treat her right and am fun and sensitive and much much more.

And there they are. I'll make one thing clear, this is not the way people talk about partners they genuinely love. This is the way people talk about partners they're desperately trying to convince themselves or others that they love. This is how politicians talk about their sham marriages, how millionaires talk about their trophy wives, how closeted homosexuals talk about their beards.

See, if you're a sexual deviant and so desperately ashamed of that fact that you're willing to put on a sham relationship, these are the words you'll repeat to yourself like a fucking mantra. "I love her", "I cherish her,", "I respect her as a person.". See, if you're in a normal, healthy relationship you might very well feel this way, but since you don't have to constantly repeat it to yourself, you don't lose your sense of perspective so badly that you can't see when such words are appropriate to say out loud, and when they're not (and they're almost always not)

So, in your hypothetical deviant mind you're repeating these words, over and over again, until they become normal and appropriate words in your mind, and next thing you know you're describing your relationship by jumping up and down on Oprah's couch. And it seems totally normal to you, because in your tireless effort to convince yourself that you love the vagina instead of crude sketches you've drawn of Val Kilmer with a tentacle-penis, you've conditioned yourself into believing that overcompensation and overstating your feelings is normal.

It seems you imagine myself in the mirror telling me these things to convince myself of what you say... lol, ok, think whatever you want, but if I said this things "out loud" is because I'm explaining the sitation and how it is, you can twist and give my words the meaning you want, but it doesn't make it true or accurate. And why would you care?? I'm just asking for advice, to confirm what I know already, not make a big deal about sex and just give her space, but if you feel the necesity to troll and make up stuff about me, well, I guess I can't stop you, right? This is an open forum and you can do whatever the fuck you want, only thing I can do is not take you seriously.

See, I'm not saying Lord Phallus knows he's a predatory sex-offender who preys on the insecurities, immaturity and emotional instability of teenage girls. I'm fairly certain he's conditioned himself into believing otherwise, that he's found a "love connection" where the age difference doesn't matter, because he truly loves and cherishes this girl, and respects her as a human being. The capacity of people to delude themselves is truly that great.

Lol, ok, you don't know how we met. I'm definetely not a predator, not that I have to defend myself here, but people are taking into consideration this trollness, and it is ruining the purpose of this thread.

So anyways, my advice to him would be ; accept that your girlfriend is growing into a woman, and has already realised that there's something fundamentally wrong and creepy with you, even if she hasn't quite managed to understand the cause of those feelings yet. You have a decision to make ; either go troll for another confused teenager, or re-evaluate your life and make the extensive changes required to attract a mature woman.

You're putting me in the same position as those old sons of a bitches who date very very young girls because what you're saying, buying them stuff just to get laid with them. First of all, 5 years is not a big age difference, and she is not realizing anything wrong about me, just that I have to fix my educational and finantial circumstances if this relationship comes to be a long term one, which would be nice, we're still both growing up, on a different rate and situation.

All that said, fuck you.

[Little_Miss_1565]

Phidias, I'm glad that you're taking steps to get your life in better order, but I think Justin may have a point that your girlfriend might be pulling away because she's not into your circumstances. She may have feelings for you, but she's also 19.

[Lord Phidias]

Phidias, I'm glad that you're taking steps to get your life in better order, but I think Justin may have a point that your girlfriend might be pulling away because she's not into your circumstances. She may have feelings for you, but she's also 19.

Since this is a very personal issue and I shared it with the forum, you should call me Victor, which is my name.

I acknowledge the fact that even if we have not that big age diference, she is coming out of adolescence and since I've already been through that I have to understand it, assess the situation and figure out if it's worth it having to cope with all that happens when someone is 19. It is worth it, I feel healthily in love for all the right reasons with this girl, even if this is not forever (which I never put into the equation because I don't like thinking about endings, not because I wanna marry my gf's). now I have a good relationship and she is still into me. Who knows, maybe I am destined to be a loser and end up livin day by day with no one to care for me, but right now I enjoy being with this girl, I talked about it here because I felt like it, and because I thought that annonymous opinion would help me see things clearly, because people I know have an insight based on my persona and hers.

I also acknowledge the fact that I am not the best catch with my situation, I mean, she could be with any other dude, my age or her age, someone more interesting, more inteligent, with better possibilities of providing her with a good time, but I am a good man and I have cualities other guys don't possess, so she is now with me and I want it to be that way. I guess I started this thread because I am starting to have some insecurities about some things, things related to what this stupid Baldwin dude said, all the shit he said could be real, without the trolling, she could actually consider finding someone better, or not looking for it, but maybe she can meet someone worth hanging out with, and feelings could evolve... yes, this is exactly why I made this thread. Whatever happens in the future with this girl, I don't want it to end because I wasn't good enough, that's what concerns me, that's why I asked for advice and try to clarify my head, to find the way to prevent that from happening, not saying that I sense it will, or that I see actual signs of it happening, but it could... Maybe I'm being a little paranoid and should have more trust in myself, I mean, as I said, I am a good guy and I am quite good looking, that has to count for something... I also treat her right, and am spontaneous, and make her laugh, and help her with stuff, and her parents love me... I think I'm overthinking things like stupid Leonard Hofstadter...

Anyways, thanks for reading and the feedback. Now I feel very stupid. Can't think of why I would need to post these stuff.

[Baldwin]

@ elf
If a dog shits on your rug and you do nothing, it now thinks your rug is the toilet. And when you're all carrots and no stick, a dog will lose respect for you. Once that happens, the only way to get a dog's respect back is with liberal use of a fucking big stick. If you want to keep this dog, take some personal responsibility for it's shortcomings, quit playing the victim, find a mode of expression that's somewhere between "dumping" and "making passive-aggressive indirect hints" and tune your dog the fuck up.

@ Phidias
First off, I'm not trolling, and you know I'm not trolling ; otherwise you wouldn't have bothered to reply, let alone make a point-by-point rebuttal. Now, your problem is that your dog once saw you as alpha male, but is maturing enough to realise you're incapable of carrying out the duties required of you, and it no longer considers you worthy of that role. When a dog senses weakness or fear in an alpha, or when the alpha is incapable of providing enough food, the world appears unsafe, and the pack chooses not to breed due to that insecurity. Get a job, get a place to live, man the fuck up, and you'll find it's breeding season again.