Random Stories
A start to novel. Let me know what you think-
The air is cold. And empty. She has no means with which she can push those feelings aside. Family, friends, students and the small community all surround her with condolences and offer to help. But nothing can help. The remorse just seeps into her skin and lays dormant. It just waits for the times when she can finally begin to accept and grieve to reveal itself. Then, she turns to stone. She cannot connect with her husband. She cannot embrace her son. She cannot face herself in the mirror.
The course is empty today- thank goodness. Loneliness seems to be her only friend these days. The wind picks up and then calms. She places the ball on the tee and lines her feet up. Turn your body as one unit, keep feet planted. Weeks after the accident she decided to take up golfing again. She was rusty and needed help getting back into it things. He was nice, the golf pro, kind. Maybe that’s why- No. She was emotional, and he was there for you. Steven wasn’t. Simple. Move on.
She swings back and hits the ball. Routine. That is what she needs now. Wake up, make breakfast, get ready, busy work. Lather, rise, repeat. She plucks the tee out of the ground and starts to walk. The feeling of joy exists somewhere, she knows it. She saw it before the accident. Steven would smile, Riley would laugh. It used to spread across her face too, even make her hum while she washed the dishes after dinner. Now when she washes the dishes all she does is argue with Steven. He wants her to visit Riley at the Hospital. She can’t bring herself to do it. Besides, Doctor Messing said Riley would need the first two weeks to be alone. Alone doesn’t mean us, it means him. Only him.
She mentioned traveling to Europe. Getting away, healing themselves. Riley wouldn’t be able to see anybody anyway, and he wouldn’t know the difference if they went away. But Steven wouldn’t stand for it. He treated her like a child. He said she was foolish to think it would be a good idea. Foolish. She told him she needed to go for herself, and if he wants to mope around waiting for his his son then, fine. Let him wait. He didn’t have to clean the bathtub. He didn’t have to scrub away at the tiles. He didn’t understand.
She called the contractor after what happened to Riley. He cracked jokes to his partner about how the bathroom looked more like a Japanese flag then a bathroom- the perfectly white tiles stained with reddish brown spots everywhere. He had called it a shame. That he wouldn’t know what to do if one of his kids tried to off themselves.
Thank god is what he said. She had heard it all through the wall. She approaches the ball and finds herself looking across into the pond. God had nothing to do with it. She remembers getting on her knees every night after the accident to ask the nonexistent-all-knowing figure in the sky for guidance. She would plead with him, ask him to find a way to make her see clearly. He could have done everything, but he did nothing. Riley still did what he did, regardless.
Time and time again, she would ask herself where she went wrong. When things changed. They all used to be so happy. The perfect Hallmark family- that’s how her mother had described it.Her family the envy of all their friends. Now those same friends thank their lucky stars that they aren’t the ones that had to deal with one dead son, and another whose actions were too scandalous to mention. She takes a deep breath. They just smile like I’m too damned delicate to say anything to. Pretenders.
She takes out the tee from her pocket and jams it into the soft earth. A breeze rustles the browning leaves. She picks up the ball. There is a ladybug on the side fluttering its wings. It crawls around the side of the ball and onto her perfectly manicured fingernails. These things are supposed to be lucky. She studies it. The small creature walks up her finger and settles on her ring. She can’t help but laugh.
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Originally Posted by Tijs
