Do this sucks?

[The Cinder]

I sing and write the songs in my punkband, I just wonder if this chorus sucks.
The song is about drugs, here it comes:

"A thing like I will lie to you, A thing like I want to kill you, I live in your head you will find for the rest of your life I will poison your mind, Dont blame me it is your own falt you should haved stopped me when you had the chance, Now I your cigaretts will burn you from the inside until you are nothing else then CINDER!"

Please answer and tell me what you think!

[burning-the-high-life]

it seems good but without actually hearing it i cant tell for sure.

[Gothgirl2606]

quote my best friend sat next to me, "it's pants! your band will never make it!!! whoever wrote it has the writing abilities of retards with a combined IQ of a raisin!!!"

i apologise for any offense taken from her comments. i dont think.....they were meant like that particularly!!!!

[Gothgirl2606]

in fact.......i know it's a load of poo, but here's my attempt at a randum song!!!

when she calls to me , i here the breathless whisper, i hear the dried up tears, and all for the company, when she beckons foir me, i know where to go, iv'e been where i know, where i know i can just be.

CHORUS
i'm married to her, i can do what i want. i can cry in her arms, i can scream myself hoarse i can do what i want, but only when i'm with her.

when my love askes me in, all i can do is collapse in tears, i understand what she does, she knows about all my sin.

CHORUS blah blah blah

and when i see the druggies playing in her streets, and when i see th dealers, i know where they meet, i know where the kids cry, i know where they are abandoned, i know where from people jump high, their lives abandoned, i know her well this place, i'm married to her, this crappy waste.

CHORUS

END.