Sin Studly
11-28-2005, 12:28 PM
Here we go again. Now, I suppose you're expecting me to call for the extermination of Slovaks. After all, I called for the extermination of the Polish and the Serbians, and I would have called for the extermination of the English, (but accidently forgot). Well, here's something that might surprise you. I'm not going to call for the extermination of the Slovaks. "Why not?", I might hear you ask... well, the better question would be, "Why bother?". I mean, seriously, have the Slovaks ever done anything? Ever? I mean, honestly, they used to be part of the Czechslovakian republic, which was fine. Everybody knew who Czechs were, nobody knew any such thing as a Slovak existed. Since the split between the Czech and Slovak republics, has anything changed? People still know who the Czechs are, everybody knows about Prague being a seat of European civilisation, history has known such great Czechs as Edvard Beneš, Antonín Leopold Dvořák, Ivana Trump, Oskar Schindler... not especially great people (they are Slavs, after all) .... but great Slovaks? If you can think of any, let me know ; cause I'm seriously fucking stumped.
Even today, most of the western world hasn't yet realised that there's actually a country on the map called The Slovak Republic. And why would they? I mean, when's the last time you saw them on the news for something? Anything? When's the last time the Slovaks made any kind of impression on the world order? For that matter, when's the first time? Has it ever happened? I don't know, and I probably never will know, and more to the point ; I don't care. I mean, their capital city, for instance. Even Trivial Persuit masters wouldn't be able to tell you the capital city of Slovakia, and they'd probably accuse you of making up ficticious nations. Oh, my apologies... did I say 'capital city'? I meant to say, 'capital village'. Yes, the Slovaks haven't actually gotten around to building any cities yet. The first Slovak state was founded somewhere in the eight century AD, and they still haven't managed to build a single city. I mean, niggers had managed to build cities before Jesus was born, and the Slovaks are still struggling. I'd equate their laziness and desire to fade into obscurity with that of the beaners, but I'm afraid that would be an unfair insult to beaners.
So how do a peoples become so wholly insignificant? Seemingly it's because the Slovaks openly embrace their mediocrity. After playing the role of the Czechs bitch for so many years, it seems they decided they weren't nearly insigificant enough. I mean, try to understand ; it's the Czechs we're talking about, a wholly insignificant and mediocre nation. We, as human beings, are only vaguely aware of the fact that the Czech Republic exists somewhere ; so can you imagine how wholly mediocre and insignificant and worthless one has to be to play bitch to the Czechs? Yeah, it simply hurts the brain trying to imagine it ; doesn't it? I mean, the Slovaks are so fucking insignificant it's hard to write this damn essay, I'm afraid that at any minute I'm going to have to launch into an excessively long anecdote about my last trip to the public library, in painstakingly minute detail ; and honestly, I think that might be somewhat more interesting than talking about Slovaks. An entire nation, an entire peoples, with ethnic roots reaching back to the fifth century AD, and my last ten minute trip to the public library is going to interest you all more.
So, apart from being the Czechs bitches, they've also spread their legs for the Moravians, the Hungarians, the Nazis and the Soviets. And I don't mean like, they got conquered or anything, hell no. It seems throughout their entire history the Slovaks have done nothing but find other cultures to attach themselves to, like the insignificant unnoticed piggybackers that they are. To hand it to them, they have been progressing throughout the years, but only in the sense that they've found increasingly bigger and better civilisations to attach themselves to. I mean, throughout history there have been some pretty badassed civilisations. The Finns, for instance, fought the Nazis and the Allies during World War II. Now that's pretty badassed, and it's not something many nations would have the balls to do. Conversely, most nations had the balls to fight one of those forces... but, as they've proved time and time again, the Slovaks quite simply are nothing like most nations. No, they quite happily spread their legs for the Nazis and the Soviets. It's no wonder nobody on the planet knows who they are except people who actually live in Slovakia (and I wouldn't be surprised if even a few of them had never heard of the place).
Another interesting fact about the Slovaks... and I use 'interesting' in the very loosest sense of the word, as there's really absolutely nothing interesting about them, and I wouldn't be surprised if nobody ever actually gets to reading this far about them ; is that they coined the term 'Velvet Revolution'. Why? Because nobody else in the history of the fucking universe has had a Velvet fucking Revolution before. I mean, conjure up some mental images of what you consider a Revolution to be. Russians storming the winter palace, the Romanovs being dragged out and shot, guillotines, baskets full of heads, the Marquis de Sades and the Great Terror of France, guerrillas stalking the South American rainforests, Che Guevara and Fidel Castro triumphantly raising their fists aloft to the amassed crowd's shouts of "VIVA! VIVA! VIVA LA REVELUCION!!!!, partisan mercenaries slaughtering the shattered remnants of the white Rhodesians.... God, it's exciting, isn't it? Interesting? The blood, the violence, the turmoil and social upheaval.... the Slovaks are the only peoples on the face of the earth who've managed to take something as bloody and violent as revolution and succession and make it so bland and uninteresting that nobody fucking noticed. A quick handshake, the Czechs cheerful reply of 'Yeah, good luck, guys', and that was it. If the Slovaks were interesting enough to actually have murderers, fuck knows what their method of killing would be. Boring people to death? Or more likely they'd just say "Hey there, would you mind, like, dying, please?", and their victims ; so immersed in the Slovak culture of submission and obedience, would say "Sure,", and just spontaneously die.
To get a proper idea of just what seeping vaginas the Slovak people really are, google up an image of the Slovak national dress.... yes. A white frock with floral designs imprinted all over it. And that's what the men wear. Honestly, to call the Slovak males the most flaming queerbos since Liberace would... no, actually... they're far more flamingly gay than Liberace, so that won't work. Okay, to call them the most flaming queerbos since Oscar Wilde would be a... erm, no, they're gayer than him too. In fact, I don't even think I feel comfortable calling them gay, because it's an insult to cocksucking camp queers the world over. They really need to come up with a new word to describe the Slovak male, because 'rampantly mincing fairy' doesn't even come close. I can guarantee that if anybody in North America had ever heard of the Slovaks, the entire Queer Eye for the Straight Guy team would be completely comprised of Slovaks ; in traditional dresses. And no, I didn't mean to say 'traditional dress'. They're dresses. As in, cocktail frock kinda shit. It's simply amazing, the Slovaks almost make the Greeks look heterosexual by comparison.
So.... I wanted to reread 'Of Mice and Men' by John Steinbeck, and I had it on reserve for quite a while, and decided I'd check into the library to see if it was in yet. To prepare for this, first I picked up my wallet, with my left hand. My wallet was made of brown leather, and contained exactly forty cents in ten cent coins, six dollars in two-dollar coins, a twenty dollar note, and a five dollar note. It also contained my libarary card, which was yellow, cardboard, and laminated....
Even today, most of the western world hasn't yet realised that there's actually a country on the map called The Slovak Republic. And why would they? I mean, when's the last time you saw them on the news for something? Anything? When's the last time the Slovaks made any kind of impression on the world order? For that matter, when's the first time? Has it ever happened? I don't know, and I probably never will know, and more to the point ; I don't care. I mean, their capital city, for instance. Even Trivial Persuit masters wouldn't be able to tell you the capital city of Slovakia, and they'd probably accuse you of making up ficticious nations. Oh, my apologies... did I say 'capital city'? I meant to say, 'capital village'. Yes, the Slovaks haven't actually gotten around to building any cities yet. The first Slovak state was founded somewhere in the eight century AD, and they still haven't managed to build a single city. I mean, niggers had managed to build cities before Jesus was born, and the Slovaks are still struggling. I'd equate their laziness and desire to fade into obscurity with that of the beaners, but I'm afraid that would be an unfair insult to beaners.
So how do a peoples become so wholly insignificant? Seemingly it's because the Slovaks openly embrace their mediocrity. After playing the role of the Czechs bitch for so many years, it seems they decided they weren't nearly insigificant enough. I mean, try to understand ; it's the Czechs we're talking about, a wholly insignificant and mediocre nation. We, as human beings, are only vaguely aware of the fact that the Czech Republic exists somewhere ; so can you imagine how wholly mediocre and insignificant and worthless one has to be to play bitch to the Czechs? Yeah, it simply hurts the brain trying to imagine it ; doesn't it? I mean, the Slovaks are so fucking insignificant it's hard to write this damn essay, I'm afraid that at any minute I'm going to have to launch into an excessively long anecdote about my last trip to the public library, in painstakingly minute detail ; and honestly, I think that might be somewhat more interesting than talking about Slovaks. An entire nation, an entire peoples, with ethnic roots reaching back to the fifth century AD, and my last ten minute trip to the public library is going to interest you all more.
So, apart from being the Czechs bitches, they've also spread their legs for the Moravians, the Hungarians, the Nazis and the Soviets. And I don't mean like, they got conquered or anything, hell no. It seems throughout their entire history the Slovaks have done nothing but find other cultures to attach themselves to, like the insignificant unnoticed piggybackers that they are. To hand it to them, they have been progressing throughout the years, but only in the sense that they've found increasingly bigger and better civilisations to attach themselves to. I mean, throughout history there have been some pretty badassed civilisations. The Finns, for instance, fought the Nazis and the Allies during World War II. Now that's pretty badassed, and it's not something many nations would have the balls to do. Conversely, most nations had the balls to fight one of those forces... but, as they've proved time and time again, the Slovaks quite simply are nothing like most nations. No, they quite happily spread their legs for the Nazis and the Soviets. It's no wonder nobody on the planet knows who they are except people who actually live in Slovakia (and I wouldn't be surprised if even a few of them had never heard of the place).
Another interesting fact about the Slovaks... and I use 'interesting' in the very loosest sense of the word, as there's really absolutely nothing interesting about them, and I wouldn't be surprised if nobody ever actually gets to reading this far about them ; is that they coined the term 'Velvet Revolution'. Why? Because nobody else in the history of the fucking universe has had a Velvet fucking Revolution before. I mean, conjure up some mental images of what you consider a Revolution to be. Russians storming the winter palace, the Romanovs being dragged out and shot, guillotines, baskets full of heads, the Marquis de Sades and the Great Terror of France, guerrillas stalking the South American rainforests, Che Guevara and Fidel Castro triumphantly raising their fists aloft to the amassed crowd's shouts of "VIVA! VIVA! VIVA LA REVELUCION!!!!, partisan mercenaries slaughtering the shattered remnants of the white Rhodesians.... God, it's exciting, isn't it? Interesting? The blood, the violence, the turmoil and social upheaval.... the Slovaks are the only peoples on the face of the earth who've managed to take something as bloody and violent as revolution and succession and make it so bland and uninteresting that nobody fucking noticed. A quick handshake, the Czechs cheerful reply of 'Yeah, good luck, guys', and that was it. If the Slovaks were interesting enough to actually have murderers, fuck knows what their method of killing would be. Boring people to death? Or more likely they'd just say "Hey there, would you mind, like, dying, please?", and their victims ; so immersed in the Slovak culture of submission and obedience, would say "Sure,", and just spontaneously die.
To get a proper idea of just what seeping vaginas the Slovak people really are, google up an image of the Slovak national dress.... yes. A white frock with floral designs imprinted all over it. And that's what the men wear. Honestly, to call the Slovak males the most flaming queerbos since Liberace would... no, actually... they're far more flamingly gay than Liberace, so that won't work. Okay, to call them the most flaming queerbos since Oscar Wilde would be a... erm, no, they're gayer than him too. In fact, I don't even think I feel comfortable calling them gay, because it's an insult to cocksucking camp queers the world over. They really need to come up with a new word to describe the Slovak male, because 'rampantly mincing fairy' doesn't even come close. I can guarantee that if anybody in North America had ever heard of the Slovaks, the entire Queer Eye for the Straight Guy team would be completely comprised of Slovaks ; in traditional dresses. And no, I didn't mean to say 'traditional dress'. They're dresses. As in, cocktail frock kinda shit. It's simply amazing, the Slovaks almost make the Greeks look heterosexual by comparison.
So.... I wanted to reread 'Of Mice and Men' by John Steinbeck, and I had it on reserve for quite a while, and decided I'd check into the library to see if it was in yet. To prepare for this, first I picked up my wallet, with my left hand. My wallet was made of brown leather, and contained exactly forty cents in ten cent coins, six dollars in two-dollar coins, a twenty dollar note, and a five dollar note. It also contained my libarary card, which was yellow, cardboard, and laminated....