Freedom?

[killer_queen]

A couple of weeks ago someone asked me what freedom was for me. It was a stupid question and I didn't want to answer but it suddenly made me think about my freedom.

Since I was a little child something has always bothered me. I didn't know what it was but those little restrictions were my nightmares.

Things got clearer after I grew up. You know, some old women told me how important a girl's virginity is and blah blah blah. I'm sure you can all guess the bad sides of living in a muslim country. Especially in a small city of it.
Those bad sides were not bothering me, though. My parents aren't the best but they sure are much more modern than everyone I know.

So, I should have been happy, right? I was free. I still am free. But no. Because the non-virgins are still whores, gay people still deserves to be killed and wearing mini skirts is still asking for getting raped. Altough I don't want to have sex before getting married, although I'm probably not a homosexual I don't feel free. I just can't feel the freedom when people around me are not actually free. Kinda weird, isn't it? And I've just figured it out. (my brain works a little slowly)

Anyways, my whining is over now. Now you tell me, do you really feel that you are completely free?

[wheelchairman]

Yes. However my credit card is locked. I have enough food in my freezer and on my shelves to survive for a few days. The last time I was paid was 2 days ago, but it only lessened my debt, meaning I can't unlock my card until I get paid again, in 13 days. Fortunately for 8 days I'll be living at this camp place where I'm one of the organizers of an international exchange.

That means I will only need to make the food last for a few days afterwards. Then my freedom will rely on how strictly I can hold myself to budget. Thankfully I've worked two jobs last month.

[Nina]

- being able to go wherever I want to go. this includes places in the apartment, places in my town/county, and all over the world. Since I have a German pass, I can do that I guess.

- being able to go out whenever I want. And staying for how long I want. I dont have this type of freedom, but it is an important one.

- being able to practice my hobbies, make my own choices, especially considering my future. I dont really have that because a) I lack the money b) I have the parents I have.
I wish studying was for free. But it's not that easy. It still pisses me off, though.

- being able to express my feelings and thoughts. Notice how this is not about actually doing it at all times, but about having the possibilty to do so if I wanted to.

- eating/sleeping whenever I want to. This might sound stupid at a first thought but in fact that's a really important thing. The German culture is strict, and many traditional German families eat together. Eating together is great and all, but having to eat at 7am/noon/6pm isnt healthy if you arent hungry. I'd have a HUGE problem with that and I'd feel trapped because I hate to eat when I am not hungry.

[killer_queen]

The last one... I'm having the same problem. I can't even take a shower whenever I want. Seems like the only solution is having my own apartment.

[Whiplash]

Why woulndt you be able to take a showen when ever you want?
And about the eating at strict time's: I have the same thing, My mother makes a meal and when its done we all eat together but if i'm not hungry i'm just not eating that mutch, no one can force me to eat.

[Punk-Freak]

Well, there's something in my life, that "cuts down" my freedom, maybe that's why I'm strongly against having a leader... Anyway, I like to be able to walk away, when ever I want to, that's what I really like.
But here in Denmark, we don't really have big freedom issues.
Here you can pretty much do what ever you want, if you can handle the consequences (<hope I spelled it the right way), which isn't very hard to do.

[Paint_It_Black]

Gulsah, I really like this thread. Good to know you aren't one of those really evil muslims. And no, of course I don't feel that I am completely free. Only anarchy would make me completely free, and that would be a nightmare. To be honest I feel that freedom is often over-rated. I'd rather be safe than free. Complete freedom would include the freedom to starve, the freedom to be murdered etc. Of course I enjoy certain freedoms, and those I've experienced living in England and America have been more than enough for me to be content. In fact, if it was up to me, there'd actually be less freedom. What bugs me is people, especially Americans, acting like freedom is the most important thing, and seemingly believing that they possess complete freedom, when they obviously don't and wouldn't even want it.

[Paint_It_Black]

Well, there's something in my life, that "cuts down" my freedom, maybe that's why I'm strongly against having a leader...

Kill the President! Tru punx!

[Preocupado]

Kind of like WCM's situation: limited by money.

And my mother used to be like that: over-protective, insecure, insane. I mean, she still is like that - there's no freedom for one who will share it's life with her, but the difference is that she's lost her family now.

[Steerpike]

Well, there's something in my life, that "cuts down" my freedom, maybe that's why I'm strongly against having a leader...

Yes, because that would be a really secure system of government, wouldn't it? That's why the anarchists won the Spanish Civil War.

To be honest, being white, male and living in a democracy, I have a lot of freedom, which (like most of the above posts) is only curtailed because of money (for example, I could sit in the House of Lords if I paid the appointment commision a few thousand).

[Punk-Freak]

Yes, because that would be a really secure system of government, wouldn't it? .

Eh...?
I don't think understand that, or...
Well, what ever - Fuck the system.

[T-6005]

Eh...?
I don't think understand that, or...
Well, what ever - Fuck the system.

It was sarcasm.

And you probably wouldn't be able to give voice to your oh-so-developed opinion without the existence of "The System."

[Steerpike]

Fuck the system.
Why? Why not reform it? What's wrong with having a leader? You know, Pennywise isn't always right.

And you probably wouldn't be able to give voice to your oh-so-developed opinion without the existence of "The System."
A point I think is worth quoting.

[killer_queen]

Eh...?
I don't think understand that, or...
Well, what ever - Fuck the system.

Fuck MTV too! They didn't give any awards to RHCP. Fuck MTV and all those pop singers.

[belen1979]

You always have your work, your family, your friends. Then you have children (here, freedom dissapears, you always have to think in them)...

If you don't have work, you don't get money (and everybody may agree with me, money is really important to be free). And work is the thing that mostly takes your freedom away.

And then it's the culture of the country you live in, as killer_queen said.

Well, I think that it's impossible to have all the freedom we would like to have...

[killer_queen]

In fact, this thread is not about being free, it's about feeling free. They're not the same thing.

[belen1979]

Well, if I'm not free I don't feel free...

I have enough money to eat, to buy clothes, to buy books. I usually buy all the things I need, but having enough money to do that does not mean I'm rich. And I don't feel rich.

Don't know if I'm explaining well...

Freedom for me would be, for example, to go to Mexico whenever I want, to go all around the world. And maybe I could do that, but I would have to save money all the year to do a travel in my holidays, and for me that's not feeling free.

Do you know what I'm trying to say? I undestand what you say, by the way... Maybe the thing is that for me, beeing free and feeling free is more or less the same... I'm quiet free, I usually can go out whenever I want and the thing you said, eating whenever I'm hungry, but that's not beeing/feeling completly free...

Maybe the most free you are the most freedom you want to get... :o

[Sin Studly]

When in doubt, fuck the system!

[Punk-Freak]

Fuck MTV and all those pop singers.

^Hell yeah!

And now I might sound ignorant, but why the hell does Steerpike start to talk about Pennywise, and what the hell is it?
Reform the system, yeah that might work, but the perfect system will never exist, because we're humans and the leader tell other people what to do, and I don't like it. Yes, a leader tries to improve the society, but people always get hurt. <I could say more but not today>


T-6005, I've never said that my opinion was oh-so-developed.
And if the system didn't exist I wouldn't say fuck the system.

[Sunny]

TRU PUNX!!1 fcuk mtv dey r selloutz!!!21


oh. anyway. *snaps out of retard mode*

freedom to me wouldn't be "doing whatever i want whenever i want", i find that to be a quite childish way of looking at things. in the most literal sense of the word... well, i don't have any oppressive or controlling people in my life, i live in a fairly liberal state and have certain priviledges, i can do what i like and get paid for it. i can afford to buy food and necessities. certainly, more money would make me more free and unrestrained in my spending patterns. which would be nice. =p

as for actually feeling free, it's something i've been thinking about a lot. i constantly find myself bound by either anger, regret, sadness, anxiety, or desire for some thing or other. i probably sound like i'm really miserable, but i'm not... i just never feel quite free of these things for prolonged periods of time.

oh wow i sound like such a goth. lyfe is pain!!!!

[HeadAroundU]

I'm quiet free.
What an awesome typo! I'm quiet sarcastic.

[JoY]

I don't feel free. there are ALWAYS expectations, always certain standards to live up to... at least where I live & with my surrounding I'm expected to be a fucking goddess on earth & nothing less. sometimes I'm fucking sick of it, other times, when I appear to confirm their image of the definition of good, I feel fabufuckinglous. but tonight I'm experiencing real well how limited freedom is - mostly others', & that's my own freedom too.

[Tizzalicious]

I would feel free, if it wasn't for my health. I think that's one of the few things that limits me in what I can and cannot do. My parents are not a problem, they let me do whatever I want (mostly, and if they don't, they have a good reason). But I often want something, and can't because I don't feel good. I can't just pick up my bags and leave the country because I wouldn't get disability anymore, and I can't get a job because I'm not healthy enough.

Without that problem, I would just go. Move. Work.

[ilovellamas]

tizz... forgive me for maybe being ignorant... but what's your healthy problem? Just curious. Bad enough for disability?

My problems with freedom are financial, mostly. I also have a couple health issues (duodnitis and severe insomnia), but finances are huge. I think financial dependancy is the source of most of the world's lack of freedom.

[Tizzalicious]

I get migraines almost every day. I have since I was 7. Not as often then, but it just kept on getting worse.

Then in addition, for a the last...7 months, I've had stomach problems. Whenever my stomach decides it doesn't like what I ate (which is almost every day) my stomach starts bubbling, I get bloated, I puke and or//get cramps.

It's all driving me insane. Usually I can cope with it, I mean, after years of migraines, you get used to it, it's just like that, and you deal with it. But now my stomach started going crazy too, I never feel good. I either have a headache or my stomach is screwing up, and I definitely can't deal with 2 problems anymore.

[ilovellamas]

:-/ I can't relate to the headaches, but I'm right there with you on the stomach thing. For one, duodnitis is much like an ulcer, only in my duodenum... I wake up in the middle of the night, feeling like I'm about to puke, and I'll run to the bathroom and sit there for hours. I get that feeling right before you puke... for hours. Had that since I was 8.

In the past year, I picked up something very similar to what you have. Many foods (I have pinpointed wheat as one of the things, but there are many others) make my stomach mad, and I'll suddenly feel really nauseated, and run to the bathroom and have a few bouts of heavy coughing/dry heaving. I've never puked from it, but the deep coughs hurt my abdomen pretty badly. It mostly happens when I have a lot to eat, anything sweet, or anything with wheat. It sucks ass. I think this has somewhat led to the insomnia... I used to stay up all night, waiting for the nausea to pass.

I guess this all plays a part in my freedom, because I end up feeling like shit many days, and then I sleep through shifts of work or classes... I sleep through times where I'm supposed to hang out with friends... blah.

[Tizzalicious]

That sounds pretty bad =/

Have you seen a doctor? I had loads of tests done lately, but no results yet. I'm gonna start eating gluten-free TODAY though. I am fairly sure that's what it is, and I don't really care what the results say about that. I just need to do something now.

[ilovellamas]

I have not seen a doctor... I fear the comments to this coming on, but I have a very irrational fear of needles... it's my only true phobia. A good example of this was last april when I was getting diagnosed with insomnia, I'd just gotten there and the nurse was asking me some questions and the whole time I was thinking "PLEASE no blood samples, PLEASE no blood samples!" and she said "Alright, we're just going to take a quick blood-" and I screamed "NO!" and she finished her sentence "-pressure test." And I said, "Ah. Umm, yeah I thought you were going to say "blood sample", and I have a major needle phobia". She said, "Oh, I thought you saw a spider or something!" She took my blood pressure and it was super high cause of the fright. Long story short, no testing cause I can't get past the needles thing... but I know have to go see someone, because my honest guess is breast cancer. Based on the chest pains located slightly above my left breast, and the pains all around that general area... the types of pains, and consistancy of them... the recent stomach problems... the strange tiredness patterns... yeah, I'm scared.

You think your stomach problem is gluten? I hear that's actually pretty common. And even if that's not the problem, it's atleast still a really healthy lifestyle change.

[Tizzalicious]

Hmm, it's more common than people think. As in, a lot of people have it without knowing. I'm not sure if it's a healthy life-style change, I mean, I don't snack as it is, so for me, it wouldn't result in eating less crap. It's a pretty hard diet, but if it works, it'll be worth it.

You really shoudl see a doctor!

[Betty]

Tizz, I'm gonna have to go ahead and say that I have immense amounts of admiration for the fact that you have these awful health issues to deal with and very rarely do I hear you complain about it. I don't know if it's just on the BBS, but I've known people with various problems and they get entirely consumed by them and that's all they dwell on, understandably so, but still I respect the fact that you seem to be able to deal with it and get past it for the most part.

[Paint_It_Black]

Tizz, I think trying cutting out gluten is a great idea. It sort of worked for my uncle, in the sense that he enjoyed a great but not complete improvement. I have found that avoiding gluten really helps with my stomach problems too, though I'm generally ok with anything in moderation. I have horrible health in so many ways and occasionally suffer from extreme pain because of it, that nothing seems to really help. So I sympathize with anyone in these similar situations. I've found that the worst thing lately is my breathing. I find it very difficult to breathe unless I'm just sitting in a cool place. Even the smallest amount of excercise makes it very hard for me to breathe, which then makes me dizzy and have headaches. It's almost impossible to lead a normal life because of this and I hate it. It also often prevents me from sleeping, or I wake up suddenly realizing I wasn't breathing, which then causes me anxiety and makes it all even worse. Bah. Anyway.

Ilovellamas, go to a doctor immediately. Yes, immediately. Tell them exactly what your symptoms are and make sure they understand your phobia of needles. I personally hate doctors and hospitals, but if I think I have something that might be life threatening I don't waste much time, and you shouldn't either. Fucking go.

[Nina]

I agree with Betty. I'd consider myself close to Tizz, I read her LJ entries, emails, we chat, we talk, and met irl...and she doesnt complain nowhere near as much as anyone else I know would if he was in her position. I had a headache through the entire day yesterday and I wanted to die. So, yeah.

[Paint_It_Black]

she doesnt complain nowhere near as much as anyone else I know would

Hey, I don't complain much either :P

[Tigger Army]

And my mother used to be like that: over-protective, insecure, insane. I mean, she still is like that - there's no freedom for one who will share it's life with her, but the difference is that she's lost her family now.

Find a gf and move in with her, like I did! Hehe well okay that's not exactly what I did but these days I'm not at my parent's place besides during the weekends. The rest of the week I spend with her in her room in Eindhoven (where we study) or at her parent's house.

but even when I'm at home nowadays I just take care of myself and avoid my parents as much as possible. Cooking, eating and cleaning? I do it myself for me and my girl. Wooohooo! \m/ now I'm off to hear some people talking about the place I'm going to work starting tomorrow. See you all!

[Preocupado]

You've found a working solution, that's great! But in my case, it takes even more autonomy, like my own bought place. I've been renting appartments for the last 2 years, but i still need my own domain (CONTROL!), and i can't mistake that for a girl, or i'll end up trapped - the same way i used to feel living with my mother.

[Tizzalicious]

If your girlfriend acts like your monther, something is wrong.

Thanks everyone for the nice comments by the way :) I started eating glutenfree today, I never thought that would keep me busy all day. My mom and I first made our kitchen safe for a glutenfree diet, which meant cleaning everything, putting everything with gluten in safe containers, all that stuff. Then we had to go out and buy some bread-replacements (but not after I had some very nice rice-dessert for lunch, that I made myself. Very yummie!) and buy more storage stuff. Aaah.

Anyway, I hope it'll help :)

Richard, if it worked for your uncle, maybe it might help for you too? Celiac disease (gluten intollerance) is passed on by genes, so if someone in your family has it, chances that's what's wrong with you too, are pretty big. I'm sorry you are in pain like that =/ It sucks. I had a lot of breathing problems some time ago too, but luckily at least that got a bit better! Per thinks it's cute when I hyperventilate though, lucky me ;)

[Preocupado]

If your girlfriend acts like your monther, something is wrong.


What are you implying, Tizzalicious? You're not suggesting that i seek traces that resemble my mother in other women like regular men do, are you?

[JoY]

Tizz is, as people mentioned, awesome. I've talked about this subject quite thoroughly with her for a very specific reason & she helped me by doing so, was very rational, informative & open about it & all in all that's something I admire a great fucking deal.

I just thought of something that's pretty re-fucking-stricting. my voice is fragile. it always has been, but it was at its worst when I was six. since then, after hard work, it improved a lot, but there's more to it. my immune system has always been somewhat of a wreck & I've always been peachy fine with that. at least there's variation in the things I get. ;p but one thing will always be the same; my voice is the first thing to go under, when my health gets messy. first, it becomes lower. as in, some people find it jazzy/sexy, but it always reaches a point everyone just has to admit it's manly. it becomes unclear, like I was born an alcoholic smoker. then it becomes softer. people can't hear me, I try my best to raise my voice & it gets even more damaged. & that's always how it goes, untill I lose it for a couple of weeks. like now. & I can't give it the rest it needs to get it back. so right now *weeps* I feel sort of isolated. I mean, I can't fucking talk & if you know me, you know talking is my fucking oxygen.

sounds like whining? it IS whining. but it's sincerely, honestly, truly also very tiring & grr. just try to imagine you can't talk when trying to, like someone's squeezing your throat so tight, there's no room for air to slip through it. & try to imagine this goes on for weeks, constantly. *sigh*

it's nowhere near as bad as severe health problems like Tizz's, but I wasn't trying to compare the two.

Edit: & no, I wasn't an 'alcoholic smoker' from the age of six, yes, alcohol & cigarettes don't exactly improve the condition of the situation, & no, I don't always breathe with the correct techniques. I try to, but I'm easily stressed & when I am, I automatically breathe too much with the help of the wrong muscles again. I do train my voice, train on breathing correctly, but it helps only for a short while. besides, have you got any idea how humiliating those "exercises" are? *whinewhine*

this should also again prove everyone's point that Tizz is a hardass mothahfuckah & that she fucking rocks at dealing with her sickness.