Parents suck

[ilovellamas]

Okay this is mostly a rant... I have a 14 year old sister who is very, very emo. She got hooked in by Taking Back Sunday and then Fallout Boy... then she moved onto screamo/hardcore stuff like avenged sevenfold, red jumpsuit apparatus, atreyu, the academy is, etc, etc, etc. She pierced her lip herself and my parents still don't know. She cut and dyed her own hair to be multiple colors going back (stripe of blonde in front, brown, behind that, black in the back), bangs swooped over face, super short on top... basically, very emo. She's a myspace whore, with over 3,000 friends... she meets people off there all the time, and they're all the same as her. My parents don't notice the lifestyle or music or anything. But my parents notice she has a bad attitude. So what do they do? Decide this year they will homeschool my sister and brother. My sister HATES the idea with a passion, but instead of explaining to her or having reasoning, they say "you are to obey your parents".

Last night, around 10pm, I get a sobbing phone call from my mom, "Alex... police... handcuffs... Medical facility... suicide attempt". That's all I heard. I called back today, and my mom says my sister was very upset about the homeschooling thing (which I knew), and that she had texted her best friend and said she was going to kill herself last night. Her best friend told her parents and the police were called, and I guess she's at a medical institute right now.

After the general explanation, my mom started blaming me. She said that today she went through my sister's room and looked at her cds, saying something about all the bands she listens to worshipping satan... and having skulls on the cases... and quoted a lyric about "lift up your dress and everything will be fine". And she started telling me it was my fault because she wants to grow up too fast and be like me, and I've been listening to music that's not like gospel music (which is all my mom listens to) or lion king since I was 12... my mom would always tell me not to listen to it in front of my sister cause it's a bad influence for a kid to want to listen to music(???)... and going on about how I've influenced her so much to want to grow up.

My point is this: it sickens me how parents love to point their children's problems at other people and music/society. Maybe if my parents ever paid any attention to how much my sister didn't want to be homeschooled... or what kinds of cds she's been buying... or who she's been hanging out with... Sure the music is a bad influence (though that's not my fault... I don't even listen to that screamo hardcore shit), but I think a little parental control could be exercised. I see this happen in so many families, with parents blaming everythign on music and society... what do you guys think? Do you think that emo music is what's causing kids to want to commit suicide? Do you think parents are getting lazier? What's going on?

[Rag Doll]

Sure the music is a bad influence (though that's not my fault... I don't even listen to that screamo hardcore shit)

Oh good god, please don't blame the music and say it's a bad influence. I listen to a lot of the stuff you listed and I'm a happy little bunny.

And yeah, parents should know whats going on and they should care. It's their responsibility. However, you seemed to notice something was wrong and you didn't do anything about it either. I mean, you could have tried talking to your parents about it or to your sister. *shrug*

[ilovellamas]

I'm not saying that listening to the music makes you crazy. I'm saying that sure, it can be a bad influence. Just like an angry father who beats his kids isn't like that because of alcohol, but alcohol can add to it in some ways.

I've talked to my sister millions of times. The only problem I knew about was that she was against being homeschooled. She lets me talk to her, and acts totally fine around me. I've tried talking to my parents, but they're ignorant. My mom is involved with a church that is very much on the line of cult status, and her argument when I've told her to listen to my sister is that she has no say and that God wants her to be homeschooled.

PS: I live 5 hours away from my family, and am insanely busy, so I'm not exactly in a great position to talk to my sister or parents a lot. Plus my sister isn't allowed to talk on the phone.

[Rag Doll]

Alcohol and music are two completely different things. How you can even begin to compare how the two influence someone's behavior is beyond me.

Did you try talking to her(either your sister or mother) about anything besides homeschooling? Like how your sister is acting differently and spending time with different people and yadayadayada?

And dude, maybe your mom is *insanely busy* too, and that's her reason for ignoring her daughter. That's the excuse of a lot of parents. "Oh, I have work, they can fend for themselves." I'm not saying you should have the responsibility of raising your sister (you shouldn't, it wasnt your choice to bring her into the world)...but the "busy" excuse is one a lot of parents use, so I'm guessing you can sort of understand where they're coming from with it. *shrug*

*edit* one other question...
....your sister isnt allowed on the phone, but she's allowed a myspace? and is allowed to spend enough time online to accumulate 3000 friends?

[ilovellamas]

Alcohol and music are two completely different things. How you can even begin to compare how the two influence someone's behavior is beyond me.
I didn't say they had the same type of influence. Just that they both influence people, positively or negative, depending on the person and situation.

Did you try talking to her(either your sister or mother) about anything besides homeschooling? Like how your sister is acting differently and spending time with different people and yadayadayada?
yes, several times. I've talked with both of them.

And dude, maybe your mom is *insanely busy* too, and that's her reason for ignoring her daughter. That's the excuse of a lot of parents. "Oh, I have work, they can fend for themselves." I'm not saying you should have the responsibility of raising your sister (you shouldn't, it wasnt your choice to bring her into the world)...but the "busy" excuse is one a lot of parents use, so I'm guessing you can sort of understand where they're coming from with it. *shrug*
my mom lives in the same house as my sister, and doesn't have a job. all my mom does is go to church. I live 5 hours away, have a job, an internship, school, staff for an organization, and planning for study abroad. Not to mention, I'm not her parent, and still manage to be more of a parent to her than my parents.

*edit* one other question...
....your sister isnt allowed on the phone, but she's allowed a myspace? and is allowed to spend enough time online to accumulate 3000 friends?
It's pretty beyond me. Recently, my parents also banned her from the internet. But for atleast the past 2 or 3 months, no phone. I can't explain it. She also has a cell phone with no service, which she's apparently allowed to text with, but isn't allowed to use AIM.

[ninthlayer]

prnk on minnesota

[Rag Doll]

I didn't say they had the same type of influence. Just that they both influence people, positively or negative, depending on the person and situation.

Nowhere did I claim that you stated they had the same type of influence. I did, however, say you compared the two and the influence they have. I am still baffled as to HOW you could do this. Yes, I agree they both influence people. The influence cannot be compared in any real way though. Alcoholism is a disease. Listening to Fall Out Boy and Avenged Sevenfold is not (however, I'm sure many people here think that is far worse than any disease).


my mom lives in the same house as my sister, and doesn't have a job. all my mom does is go to church. I live 5 hours away, have a job, an internship, school, staff for an organization, and planning for study abroad. Not to mention, I'm not her parent, and still manage to be more of a parent to her than my parents.

I fully agree you're not her parents. And it's awesome that you're trying to help her. In your first post you mentioned that maybe parents are lazy, and that's why teens have issues. I'm saying that SOME parents may use the same "busy" line that you used. "I have a meeting at nine, lunch with a client at 11, i need to get work done before my presentation at 2, dinner with another client and the ceo of my firm at 6 followed by drinks, and tomorrow i need to go to the convention in chicago. there is simply no time for me to care about what cd Sally bought yesterday or what horrible haircut she has this week. if i dont work, she doesn't eat." y'see where I'm going with this?

[ilovellamas]

Nowhere did I claim that you stated they had the same type of influence. I did, however, say you compared the two and the influence they have. I am still baffled as to HOW you could do this. Yes, I agree they both influence people. The influence cannot be compared in any real way though. Alcoholism is a disease. Listening to Fall Out Boy and Avenged Sevenfold is not (however, I'm sure many people here think that is far worse than any disease).

I wasn't saying alcoholism... I wasn't referring to a person who is alcoholic. However, a father who is angry and abuses his family may easily be negatively influenced to hurt his family more often or more severely if he gets drunk.




I fully agree you're not her parents. And it's awesome that you're trying to help her. In your first post you mentioned that maybe parents are lazy, and that's why teens have issues. I'm saying that SOME parents may use the same "busy" line that you used. "I have a meeting at nine, lunch with a client at 11, i need to get work done before my presentation at 2, dinner with another client and the ceo of my firm at 6 followed by drinks, and tomorrow i need to go to the convention in chicago. there is simply no time for me to care about what cd Sally bought yesterday or what horrible haircut she has this week. if i dont work, she doesn't eat." y'see where I'm going with this?
these kinds of parents are the ones I'm concerned about. I don't have kids at this point in my life primarily because I am unfit to raise a kid. I am far too busy and don't have a lifestyle that supports a good life for a kid. This is what I'm talking about. These parents make excuses for things like this. Obviously you agree with me that music isn't what turns a kid to suicide. What do you think it is? You appear to not believe it's the parents' faults often? I'm unclear as to what you're getting at.

prnk on minnesota
molesters, prostitutes and queers
molesters, prostitutes and queers
herky likes to suck my dick and nibble on my balls
herky's got the smallest dick of all
go home and soddomize your dad
lick your lips and lick his milky wayyy
Incest is the very best, it's better than the rest
When your a Hawkeye from the state of Iowaaaay

[All About Eve]

My sister's 11, and I can so see her heading that way. I know what you mean, but don't have any advice.

[Rag Doll]

I wasn't saying alcoholism... I wasn't referring to a person who is alcoholic. However, a father who is angry and abuses his family may easily be negatively influenced to hurt his family more often or more severely if he gets drunk.

Either way, whether it's having the once-in-a-while binge on Jack Daniels or getting hammered every single night, I'm sorry that I still don't really see why you would compare the two. Comparing music and movies for this purpose, I understand. Alcohol and music though? Sorry, I guess I'm just completely ignorant.



these kinds of parents are the ones I'm concerned about. I don't have kids at this point in my life primarily because I am unfit to raise a kid. I am far too busy and don't have a lifestyle that supports a good life for a kid. This is what I'm talking about. These parents make excuses for things like this. Obviously you agree with me that music isn't what turns a kid to suicide. What do you think it is? You appear to not believe it's the parents' faults often? I'm unclear as to what you're getting at.

If you read my first reply to this thread, I said it's the parents responsibility to care and know what is going on. I do put blame on them. What I'm getting at is they use the excuse that they are too busy to pay attention to little things like cds. It's not a GOOD excuse, but it's one that is used. Should they be too busy? No. You were talking about parents being lazy. I think it's the exact opposite. Which I assumed you could at least slightly understand since you gave the same reasoning (age appropriate though, not board meetings but class) for not being able to talk to your sister much. True, you're not a parent, but it seemed to me you might be able see the situation from that side a bit. And no, I'm not trying to take blame off the parents...just..explaining what I think the issue is.

[ilovellamas]

Either way, whether it's having the once-in-a-while binge on Jack Daniels or getting hammered every single night, I'm sorry that I still don't really see why you would compare the two. Comparing music and movies for this purpose, I understand. Alcohol and music though? Sorry, I guess I'm just completely ignorant.
as for this, it's null and void. I was mostly saying that music ISN'T the cause, so this isn't worth arguing.




If you read my first reply to this thread, I said it's the parents responsibility to care and know what is going on. I do put blame on them. What I'm getting at is they use the excuse that they are too busy to pay attention to little things like cds. It's not a GOOD excuse, but it's one that is used. Should they be too busy? No. You were talking about parents being lazy. I think it's the exact opposite. Which I assumed you could at least slightly understand since you gave the same reasoning (age appropriate though, not board meetings but class) for not being able to talk to your sister much. True, you're not a parent, but it seemed to me you might be able see the situation from that side a bit. And no, I'm not trying to take blame off the parents...just..explaining what I think the issue is.

From what I see (my sister's friends, kids that age in general), you could be right. Most of my sister's friends' parents are middle class people with well-paying jobs. I guess in my parents' case, they're not busy. They are the ones I consider lazy. Generally speaking, it's true that a lot of parents seem too busy to take care of their kids. I guess "lazy" isn't the right word... maybe that their priorities are screwed up... or lazy parenting.

[ninthlayer]

molesters, prostitutes and queers
molesters, prostitutes and queers
herky likes to suck my dick and nibble on my balls
herky's got the smallest dick of all
go home and soddomize your dad
lick your lips and lick his milky wayyy
Incest is the very best, it's better than the rest
When your a Hawkeye from the state of Iowaaaay
1/10
Poorly worded, several spelling errors, and entirely too fratastic.

[ilovellamas]

1/10
Poorly worded, several spelling errors, and entirely too fratastic.
I didn't write it, I just quoted it :)

[ninthlayer]

The fact that you deemed posting it a good idea reflects poorly upon you.

[ilovellamas]

meh, I know they suck, the one about my school sucks, too. They're just well-known bigten song parodies.

[Preocupado]

Do you think that emo music is what's causing kids to want to commit suicide?

Emo for cutting, punk for vandalism, reggae for smoking, jiu jitsu for street fighting, goth for getting ugly, raves for ecstasy, etc.

Teenaging is a reformulation of your identity that is extremely attached to the environment outside. Friends that share experiences and that represent the world outside are what you need, and there are plenty of cultures and trends that will absorb this need.

So, you're trying to see who you are in a different perspective, different from the childhood one that is based solely on your parent's view of who you are. You're now trying to find out who you are through the world's view. It's the next step towards adulthood - gotta take that challenge before you achieve autonomy.

The approach that you'll take on the social environment will reflect the relation you have with your parents. So, how fiercely will you need to put your parent's education into check?

edit: and when that fierce reaction comes, the parents can get so frightened that they could even blame the culture or the first-born for it.


Do you think parents are getting lazier? What's going on?

It's all about the quality of the time that parents spend with theyr children. Not much to do with time.

ps: my brain isn't kicking in today.

[ninthlayer]

meh, I know they suck, the one about my school sucks, too. They're just well-known bigten song parodies.
I don't even know who the Big Ten are (other than Iowa).

Emo for cutting, punk for vandalism, reggae for smoking, jiu jitsu for street fighting, goth for getting ugly, raves for ecstasy, etc.
Your post was doing well at this point (other than being extremely vague and general, but that's what summarations are), afterwards it got all "WHAA! Growing up is hard to do!" But then again I'm pretentious and tend to scoff at people when they're having problems getting by with normal day-to-day life.

[ilovellamas]

edit: and when that fierce reaction comes, the parents can get so frightened that they could even blame the culture or the first-born for it.

my mom's blaming the second born :P

and ninth, in case you cared, Minnesota, Iowa, Wisconsin, Michigan, Michigan State, Ohio State, Penn State, Purdue, Illinois, Indiana, Northwestern, and starting this year, North Dakota State (god, they suck). There's atleast one shitty parody song for each of them besides NDSU.

[Preocupado]

my mom's blaming the second born :P

You have an older brother/sister?


Your post was doing well at this point (other than being extremely vague and general, but that's what summarations are), afterwards it got all "WHAA! Growing up is hard to do!"

Yeah, it's just not kicking in.

[ilovellamas]

brother 33
me 22
sister 14
brother 13

[Preocupado]

All right, i'm even more confused now because you said that she was blaming you. But nvm, what i meant was that she could be blaming you as way of appealing to you as an older daughter.

[ilovellamas]

I'm not sure what you mean by appealing... but yes my mom blames me because I'm the closest scapegoat.

[ilovellamas]

Times like this make me happy by younger brother is into pussy anime.

my little brother is obsessed with gayass video games, and he just got in trouble with the cops, apparently he's become a clepto.

god, I have awful parents. my older brother stole and sold car stereos and illegally bought a gun and a car, shot the gun in illegal woods and drove the car till it was totalled. My sister wants to kill herself. My brother is a clepto. I was a loner in middle/early highschool and was pretty depressed. I guess I got the best end of the deal... atleast I've never had negative conversations with cops...

[Paint_It_Black]

what do you guys think? Do you think that emo music is what's causing kids to want to commit suicide? Do you think parents are getting lazier? What's going on?

ilovellamas, I'm pretty much just posting to say I'm really sorry for what you're going through. I obviously can't do anything to help, but since I quite like you I can at least offer some random sympathy. That's probably what you were hoping for with a thread like this anyway.

I can't see any way this is your fault, so I hope you're not actually harbouring any secret guilt about it. You seem to be fully aware that it's not your fault, but it's easy to feel guilty about things regardless.

Can music be a harmful factor in these things? My opinion is that yes, it sort of can. You can be the most well adjusted person and listen to anything you want and be fine, but if you already have problems then certain types of music, just like certain films, can have an enabling effect. I'm not blaming the music or the films at all, but admitting that they can contribute to making a problem worse. If someone already has suicidal tendencies, I do believe that certain music could make it worse. But avoiding the music isn't the solution, addressing the actual issues of the individual is the solution.

Are parents getting lazier? I don't think so. I think the job of keeping track of what the fuck a teenager is doing is just becoming more and more difficult. And it's always going to be dificult for most parents to relate to a teenager. I'm only 24 and already I really struggle to relate to a lot of teenagers of this generation, especially the emo types. Ironically if I had been born ten years later I quite possibly would have been one.

[Mr. Noodles]

Okay this is mostly a rant... I have a 14 year old sister who is very, very emo. She got hooked in by Taking Back Sunday and then Fallout Boy... then she moved onto screamo/hardcore stuff like avenged sevenfold, red jumpsuit apparatus, atreyu, the academy is, etc, etc, etc. She pierced her lip herself and my parents still don't know. She cut and dyed her own hair to be multiple colors going back (stripe of blonde in front, brown, behind that, black in the back), bangs swooped over face, super short on top... basically, very emo. She's a myspace whore, with over 3,000 friends... she meets people off there all the time, and they're all the same as her. My parents don't notice the lifestyle or music or anything. But my parents notice she has a bad attitude. So what do they do? Decide this year they will homeschool my sister and brother. My sister HATES the idea with a passion, but instead of explaining to her or having reasoning, they say "you are to obey your parents".




Last night, around 10pm, I get a sobbing phone call from my mom, "Alex... police... handcuffs... Medical facility... suicide attempt". That's all I heard. I called back today, and my mom says my sister was very upset about the homeschooling thing (which I knew), and that she had texted her best friend and said she was going to kill herself last night. Her best friend told her parents and the police were called, and I guess she's at a medical institute right now.


After the general explanation, my mom started blaming me. She said that today she went through my sister's room and looked at her cds, saying something about all the bands she listens to worshipping satan... and having skulls on the cases... and quoted a lyric about "lift up your dress and everything will be fine". And she started telling me it was my fault because she wants to grow up too fast and be like me, and I've been listening to music that's not like gospel music (which is all my mom listens to) or lion king since I was 12... my mom would always tell me not to listen to it in front of my sister cause it's a bad influence for a kid to want to listen to music(???)... and going on about how I've influenced her so much to want to grow up.

They shouldn't blame you. Obviously, you hardly were an influence on her. You're not emo at all, so she isn't trying to be like you.




My point is this: it sickens me how parents love to point their children's problems at other people and music/society. Maybe if my parents ever paid any attention to how much my sister didn't want to be homeschooled... or what kinds of cds she's been buying... or who she's been hanging out with... Sure the music is a bad influence (though that's not my fault... I don't even listen to that screamo hardcore shit), but I think a little parental control could be exercised. I see this happen in so many families, with parents blaming everythign on music and society... what do you guys think? Do you think that emo music is what's causing kids to want to commit suicide? Do you think parents are getting lazier? What's going on?

Agreed. They shouldn't blame it on music and society. It's only a small influence. I don't think parents are really getting lazier, but they need to pay more attention to their kids. You should've told them about the way she is earlier.
Like many people have already said, I feel sorry for what you're going through.

[the_GoDdEsS]

Most people can't raise kids properly. She's most likely blaming you because she has no idea who to blame. Might be some sort of desperation.

And I find myself agreeing on one thing with Richard, I can't seem to relate to teenagers any more either. I keep trying to understand and reason their idiotic actions with them being young but it's still annoying.

[Nina]

I do think a lot of parents are getting lazier. I think this has to do with the fact that it's not just about raising your own kids anymore and wish them happiness, but also about your own happiness. There's nothing wrong with that but I think a lot of parents cant handle doing both at the same time.
I've seen so many parents be like that.

But I also agree with Richard who says that it's difficult to keep track nowadays. There are so many things going on. The internet is a big thing and as you mentioned yourself, your sister is a myspace whore. Again, nothing wrong with that, I guess. Most of us use the internet a lot as well and we arent harmed by anything (I'd like to believe). But there are some people who just dont understand certain things yet and they might get influenced by the internet/music/etc in a bad way.

Then again...there are always people like that. I dont think there is anything a person can do, except trying to raise their own kids better.

[ilovellamas]

Are parents getting lazier? I don't think so. I think the job of keeping track of what the fuck a teenager is doing is just becoming more and more difficult. And it's always going to be dificult for most parents to relate to a teenager. I'm only 24 and already I really struggle to relate to a lot of teenagers of this generation, especially the emo types. Ironically if I had been born ten years later I quite possibly would have been one.

That's a good point- about it getting harder to keep track. It's not like when I was growing up, where the internet wasn't common, cell phones were the size of my arm, and "bad" music was the offspring.

Also, I agree it's harder now to relate to kids, but my parents don't even try. I always was very passive growing up, and knew that if I was rebellious, my parents would fail. Well my sister has proven that.

[Betty]

cell phones were the size of my arm

... the Zack Morris cell phone...

[JoY]

the comparison between alcohol & music was completely invalid. (but that seems to be clear) as for the rest, parents can't know everything that goes around in their child's head. they can notice a certain behaviour, pay attention to it, try to explain it & try to steer things in a healthier direction if it causes problems, but they can't possibly know the size of the effect it has on their children & the consequences. they can only guess what the consequences can possibly be in combination with their knowledge of their own children.

there was a time I for sure wasn't a happy cookie & my parents did notice this. they tried to put their finger on it; on the exact causes & the consequences. they eventually never got it fully right, but I never thought that was unreasonable. I just never told them everything & even if I would've, I would've selected information, leaving out information that could've mattered... & suppose you tell them about every single thought that was ever on your mind, do you really think they're going to fully understand in a way they can exactly grasp what you're going through? no. so, blah, they do their best, you've got to compromise to get closer to one another, work with each other & that doesn't guarantee you a thing, except you at least know both parties have given it all.

friends of my parents noticed their son was drawing away a bit from the planet, isolating himself more & more. they sent him to several psychiatrists, who all adviced the parents to pay a visit some time, because according to them their son was absolutely fine. the parents knew their son was doing bad in university, but they didn't know how bad. they knew he had moneyproblems (, they were more than willing to help him with, had he told them about it), but they didn't know the magnitude. & they knew this all was making him depressed, but they didn't know how depressed. untill he hanged himself. then it became quite cristal clear.

you can try to blame the fact you're not allknowing on something/someone else, but in the end it's only normal & you'll have to accept that you can't know & predict everything. not even when it's your own child & maybe even especially not when it's your own child.

[Amiralanal]

Okay this is mostly a rant... I have a 14 year old sister who is very, very emo. She got hooked in by Taking Back Sunday and then Fallout Boy... then she moved onto screamo/hardcore stuff like avenged sevenfold, red jumpsuit apparatus, atreyu, the academy is, etc, etc, etc. She pierced her lip herself and my parents still don't know. She cut and dyed her own hair to be multiple colors going back (stripe of blonde in front, brown, behind that, black in the back), bangs swooped over face, super short on top... basically, very emo. She's a myspace whore, with over 3,000 friends... she meets people off there all the time, and they're all the same as her. My parents don't notice the lifestyle or music or anything. But my parents notice she has a bad attitude. So what do they do? Decide this year they will homeschool my sister and brother. My sister HATES the idea with a passion, but instead of explaining to her or having reasoning, they say "you are to obey your parents".

Last night, around 10pm, I get a sobbing phone call from my mom, "Alex... police... handcuffs... Medical facility... suicide attempt". That's all I heard. I called back today, and my mom says my sister was very upset about the homeschooling thing (which I knew), and that she had texted her best friend and said she was going to kill herself last night. Her best friend told her parents and the police were called, and I guess she's at a medical institute right now.

After the general explanation, my mom started blaming me. She said that today she went through my sister's room and looked at her cds, saying something about all the bands she listens to worshipping satan... and having skulls on the cases... and quoted a lyric about "lift up your dress and everything will be fine". And she started telling me it was my fault because she wants to grow up too fast and be like me, and I've been listening to music that's not like gospel music (which is all my mom listens to) or lion king since I was 12... my mom would always tell me not to listen to it in front of my sister cause it's a bad influence for a kid to want to listen to music(???)... and going on about how I've influenced her so much to want to grow up.

My point is this: it sickens me how parents love to point their children's problems at other people and music/society. Maybe if my parents ever paid any attention to how much my sister didn't want to be homeschooled... or what kinds of cds she's been buying... or who she's been hanging out with... Sure the music is a bad influence (though that's not my fault... I don't even listen to that screamo hardcore shit), but I think a little parental control could be exercised. I see this happen in so many families, with parents blaming everythign on music and society... what do you guys think? Do you think that emo music is what's causing kids to want to commit suicide? Do you think parents are getting lazier? What's going on?

i've always hated when people are not taking responsibility for their own lives.
you know what im talking about, not just your example with parents blaming music, but the mcdonalds lawsuits, the way people blame the school violence on video games and tv shows etc.

[the_GoDdEsS]

One horrible thing parents do is to try to shift the responsibility of raising their own children to school and other insitutions. I've seen this happen many times and it's quite sickening. School won't raise your kids for you, ever.

Upper class kids are getting worse and worse too. They have absolutely everything they want. All latest toys and technology. Except one thing, a mother and father who'd raise them properly instead of thinking raising children is providing for them materially only.

[Duskygrin]

Parents don't put the blame on society or music, bad parents do.

[JoY]

i've always hated when people are not taking responsibility for their own lives.
you know what im talking about, not just your example with parents blaming music, but the mcdonalds lawsuits, the way people blame the school violence on video games and tv shows etc.

not to mention lawsuits against the tobacco industry. I mean, HULLO.

llamas, the reaction of your parents is unreasonable & unfair. however, also very understandable. imagine the process of giving life to a cute little person, a human being, your child & then it tries to take its own life. I can imagine you'd feel extremely guilty & powerless/helpless at the same time. blaming it on something/someone else is the easy way out & wrong, of course, but I understand it'd be difficult to resist that temptation.

[Little_Miss_1565]

OK, I'm going to step in a little bit here and get a bit more personal than usual.

I was extremely depressed and very suicidal from about age 13 to age 15, and I listened (and still listen) to a lot of music that would make the average parent freak out and blame for all my various psychological problems. Whatever the music, it's actually very healing and comforting for someone in those emotional circumstances. To be perfectly honest, I think it's the music I was listening to that made me stop wanting to kill myself and start picking up the pieces and getting on with things.

I'm very sorry your family is going through this right now. But right now, I really think your mother is just looking for someone (you) and something (the music) to blame for the guilt that she's feeling. She's going to have to learn how to deal with her own feelings in a way that doesn't involve anyone else. Bottom line, your sister's suicide attempt is not about music, it's about being in a situation that she could not see any other way out of.

Taking away the music that was my only comfort would have made me try it again.

[JoY]

I agree & I love you for existing.

[Sunny]

I'm guessing blaming you and the music is just your mother's attempt to make sense of what's currently happening. I'm not saying it's a good thing to do - but I'm sure having your child grow distant, get into stuff you don't understand and eventually attempt to take their own life could put a lot of strain on a parent. I'm sure it's also very difficult to deal with the guilt and to take responsibility for what's happening... so the music is just a convenient scapegoat.

as for music being a "bad influence", it's complete bullshit. blaming emo music for kids committing suicide is like blaming marilyn manson for columbine, for chrissakes. if anything, it's comforting. it helps to know someone at least *sounds* like they know what you're going through.

on a somewhat related note... it might be just me, but i've noticed that kids these days (ha, i feel old) are getting miserable and lost very early on. like, 11 year olds drinking 40s to feel better, cutting themselves, refusing food, etc. i mean, i was an unhappy messed up teenager, but it didn't start anywhere as early.. for me or for any of the people i knew. now i know 13 year olds who do coke and have drunken sex with anyone who asks, for the love of god. i doubt it's just the parents getting worse, and i'm not sure i get what's going on... but it's somewhat troubling.

[Little_Miss_1565]

I agree & I love you for existing.

Aw, thanks.

Sunny, I've noticed that too. I think it's that kids are less able to cope with uncertainty. I'm not sure why. But I've noticed it in my sisters and others in my family.

[JoY]

I can't exactly put my finger on it either, but one's future is less self explanatory, so it seems. there seem to exist more & more uncertainties. you don't grow up knowing it speaks for itself you'll become what your father/mother is/was & skills alone can't get you a job anymore if you don't have the papers. it seems society is becoming one big bureaucratic computer system in which you need a perfect history to ensure yourself of an okay future.

[the_GoDdEsS]

Most be more pressure from the outside world on the widdle human. Especially in the Western world it's only likely to get worse.

[Preocupado]

Teenaging is a relatively new phenomenon. A few generations back, it was a straight blast from childhood to adulthood.

[Sunny]

Most be more pressure from the outside world on the widdle human. Especially in the Western world it's only likely to get worse.

I'm assuming you're not counting Slovakia as a part of the Western world?

i'd be inclined to believe that it's going to get even worse in the developing (or eastern bloc) countries due to very limited employment possibilities and the state of economy. the pressure put on teenagers is really a lot worse than it is in the US, for one. all these factors, including the development of a fiercely materialist consumer culture, have already seemed to cause a general sense of discouragement and hopelessness among the youth (well, at least, the Polish and Slovak teenagers I've interacted with).

it's not the best environment to grow up in.

[the_GoDdEsS]

I'm assuming you're not counting Slovakia as a part of the Western world?

i'd be inclined to believe that it's going to get even worse in the developing (or eastern bloc) countries due to very limited employment possibilities and the state of economy. the pressure put on teenagers is really a lot worse than it is in the US, for one. all these factors, including the development of a fiercely materialist consumer culture, have already seemed to cause a general sense of discouragement and hopelessness among the youth (well, at least, the Polish and Slovak teenagers I've interacted with).

it's not the best environment to grow up in.

Yeah, we're definitely Eastern world.

I totally agree with what you said and it's mainly because all the pressures from the outside, the EU and the like are trying to penetrate here. Like you've said, materialist consumer culture. It's all a pressure on the individual because before the state provided for you. And the whole middle class is going down because regional development is not getting any support. I just don't think it'll make the kids suicidal. I tend to think we have a low suicide rate despite the fact that we have almost non-existent or non-functional mental health care and I really hope it will not grow in the next 50 years.

[Sunny]

low suicide rates are a great thing, but i'm guessing you have skyhigh alcohol consumption rates, no?

I don't think the whole deal is making the kids suicidal, either, but that doesn't mean they don't need help or that their behavior is just fine. From what I've encountered, they're bitter, angry and getting violent. Especially kids from housing projects. They drink tons, they fight tons, and they seem to have a "why bother" attitude. I wouldn't even say the EU is at fault here, because I don't think people were all that much happier in a communist state (or so my parents claim, I wasn't around). It's probably that all transformation periods can be a huge strain on the population. It seems to be a combination of the disappearing old regime (old habits die hard), rapid introduction of new values and lifestyles, and a corrupt, inefficient government. at least in Poland.

[the_GoDdEsS]

I know, it's the transformations. Alcohol, yes definitely. And communism went horribly wrong and had impact especially on the more educated people. Only workers were sort of happy back then.