Dumb Things You've Heard in Class (Copying SA like totally)

[wheelchairman]

Let's say I was inspired by somethingawful.com's most recent comedy goldmine.

I know I've heard some gems in my old high school class, but I can't remember any right now. And I had a low-level preparatory math class before I started uni, where everyday was filled with good questions, but the only one I remember is:

Our teacher wrote something like "90x * 10 = 45" Obviously you have to solve for "x". One person who hadn't had a math class since 1994 asked "Wait, I can't do this before I know what "x" is!"

To be fair, this was a relatively low level of math, and I had to be there too. I honestly thought in the mathematical higher of +-/*() etc. that Multiplication beat division, and that plus beat minus. wtf?

Anyways, most recently, about a month ago we had to give a short summary of the problem formulation for our semester project, and we said something along the lines of "Comparing Venezuela/Chavez, Zimbabwe/Mugabe, and USA/Bush, and seeing what role the media plays in their political strategy" blah blah blah. Then some guy who always has to pretend to be smart asks "That makes sense, are you gonna try to relate it to Venezuelan oil mines?"

OIL MINES? OIL MINES?

[F@ BANKZ]

People in my old Geography group: one tried to persuade me the missisipi was a part of france

Another: when i said it wasn't, a friend asked our teacher if Africa was both a country or continent; all the idiot chavs in the detention laughed at him alot much to my amusement.

Honesty Pays:
Teacher: Where's Your Homework
Me: My dog ate it
Teacher: What you expect me to believe that? You don't even have a dog
Me: Oh That homework; I forgot about it.

Then there was:
Teacher: Who else has been looking at proxy sites
Chav: Don't Squeal Bitch!!!
Teacher: I'll be checking you're history after lesson and you have a half hour detention anyway.
Chav: Awwww what!

Stupidest thing ever:
Teacher: Get Out!
Girl: Go Fuck Yourself!
Teacher: Get Out, Now!
Girl: Go Fuck Yourself, Now!

[Sinister]

Teacher : Okay Fred, I'll let you choose what I say to you next. Option 1 - "Do you have another stupid question ?", Option 2 - "Do you have another question, stupid ?"
Fred : Erm... "question, stupid" ?

Makes a lot more sense in French (as it originally was) as the adjective goes after the noun, and a comma would have been added between the two in order to indicate "stupid" was referring to Fred in the second version.

[F@ BANKZ]

Oh i just remembered another

Teacher: So what are you all considering for a carrear
Blake: Buisness
Teacher: Well, that's usually good, which part of buisness appeals to you.
Blake: Oh, y'now, cheques
Teacher: I see...

[Mota Boy]

One time a girl in my freshman philosophy class argued that squirrels could be as smart as humans. "I don't know what they're saying, I can't speak squirrel" was her principal argument.

That was the same class where I once challenged the teacher by quoting Huey Louis and the News. Unfortunately I can't remember the context at the moment.

[Amiralanal]

We were listening to a guy talking about planting trees, and he put on a slideshow with pictures and stuff. A picture of a man planting a tree is showed.

Student: - Does he plant all the trees in Sweden?
Class: -OLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO

[khaaaaan]

In 8th-9th grade, our math teacher was also our physics teacher and "class supervisor". I can't recall which class he was teaching in this episode, but the subject was something about craters on the moon forming a Europe looking shape. A girl then asked him in all seriousness wether it actually was a print of Europe on the moon:(
Same teacher, different class. While on the topic of kilojoules, a guy all of a suddenly bursted out "IS IT KILLER JUICE YOU'RE SAYING?!"

[Amiralanal]

Same teacher, different class. While on the topic of kilojoules, a guy all of a suddenly bursted out "IS IT KILLER JUICE YOU'RE SAYING?!"



haha. what a fucking asshole

[wheelchairman]

In 8th-9th grade, our math teacher was also our physics teacher and "class supervisor". I can't recall which class he was teaching in this episode, but the subject was something about craters on the moon forming a Europe looking shape. A girl then asked him in all seriousness wether it actually was a print of Europe on the moon:(

Wait a minute, Who said this?

[JohnnyNemesis]

Most ridiculous thing I've ever heard in class:

"We need to trust white people".

...fucking hell.

[Wikipedia]

We had a dude come into the school today advertising class rings, and he was walking around passing out pamphlets and catalogs.

He came over near me and my buddies and I asked him with a perfectly straight face and monotone voice "Can I get a ring with satan shitting into a nine year-old girl's mouth?".

He looked right at me without so much as a weird face and says "That's right up my alley." and then he walked away.

I will never trust the Herff Jones ever again.

[coke_a_holic]

In a friend's sociology class, he was considered "racist" and "ignorant" for claiming that there are different races and they are treated differently. He drove home early that day, angry at humanity.

[ilovellamas]

-when I lived in Wisconsin, a whole bus full of people from Arkansas came to our school. A kid in my class said, "Arkansas... is that in Chicago?"

-Last spring, in my Women in Cultural History class, there was this Croatian dude who was really out there. One day, we were discussing a book about a woman who went to Samoa. In the book, it said that men in their 50s married 13 year old girls, and that was normal. We were discussing this, and the Croatian dude: "Do they really do that?"
Professor: "Well, what does it say in the book?"
Dude: "I don't remember."
Professor: "Well can you look it up now?"
Dude: I didn't bring the book with me.
Professor: Why not?
Dude: Uhh, I read it in the library.
Professor: Right, okay, so what did it say in the book when you read it?
Dude: Oh, umm, I read it really late at night, so I can't remember anymore.

Seriously, caught in your fucking lie... just give it up.

-I was taking a botany class, and the professor was talking about Photosynthesis... he started out and said, "And the plant is there... and the sun... the sun beats DOWN on it. Like... like a RABBIT." The class looked absolutely confused... he quickly moved on.

[0r4ng3]

I never actually said this out loud to be heard in class, but I used to think that Argentina was a state, and that there were a North Colorado and a South Colorado.

Evidently I'm not very good at geography.

[Jakebert]

There was a girl in one of my classes last year who had to ask the teacher what a county was.

EDIT: The more and more I think about these posts:
Honesty Pays:
Teacher: Where's Your Homework
Me: My dog ate it
Teacher: What you expect me to believe that? You don't even have a dog
Me: Oh That homework; I forgot about it.

Then there was:
Teacher: Who else has been looking at proxy sites
Chav: Don't Squeal Bitch!!!
Teacher: I'll be checking you're history after lesson and you have a half hour detention anyway.
Chav: Awwww what!

Stupidest thing ever:
Teacher: Get Out!
Girl: Go Fuck Yourself!
Teacher: Get Out, Now!
Girl: Go Fuck Yourself, Now!

I fail to see how any of these things are funny, especially the last two. The first one reeks of tryhardism, and reminds me of the kid who constantly makes jokes about how he's failing to the teacher. The last two are just retarded. Swearing at a teacher for no reason other than to look cool is retarded, but thinking that it's funny is even dumber.

[jacknife737]

(After giving a presentation on Adam Smith)
Student: Well I think that’s what Smith was trying to say, but i didn't really understand it, since I don't really speak Scottish

(Later that same class the student mentions something to a fellow classmate)
Student: You should have asked a chinaman

[Sin Studly]

Most ridiculous thing I've ever heard in class:

"We need to trust white people".

...fucking hell.

They make a good point. You can sign our "Pretty beads and firewater in exchange for here to the horizon" treaties out of trust for the palefaces, or you can sign them because we just jammed a Lee Enfield .512 up you.

I mean, either way we're gonna fuck you. And personally, if I was you, I'd prefer it with some lube and snuggling afterwards, as opposed to a .512-sized tear inside your most holy of holes.

[Wikipedia]

I think we should steal SA contests/comedy goldmine things more often. The MS Paint _____ ones are fun.

[Harnum]

The only really stupid thing that really happened in one of my classes was once we had to people shouting "white power" and "black power" back and forth across the classroom at each other. It was pretty dumb but considering I knew both of them and knew how nonsensical they were, I didn't expect any more of them.

[neocon58]

Not exactly on topic, but lolworthy none the less. We had a substitute teacher. She took us out to the staff carpark, rambling. She got oranges out of her unlocked car. She let us throw oranges at parked cars. She juggled oranges. She was bipolar. She forgot her meds. True story.

[Homer]

There was a girl in one of my classes last year who had to ask the teacher what a county was.

Same.

Also, the same person also shouted in amazement mixed with confusion "The world moves?!". Also, another person thought that islands were floating pieces of land and that they didn't move around because they were connected by roots. It took about a half hour to convince this person that she was wrong.

[PilZ-E]

"What country was Hitler with?" A girl asked this in the middle of our WWII Unit.

"If you live for long enough you are going to evolve." Today in English.

Teacher:"Who was the Vice President during WWII?"
Student:"Umm... Dick Cheney?"

I know there are several more but I can't think of any others at the moment.

[Lodat225]

In 8th grade a kid once asked if Rhode Island was on Iraq.

[That_Guy91]

Today in Global, learning about the U.N.:

"Make sure you write down that there are 185 nations in the U.N."

"But it says that there were 51 when it started, shouldn't we write that down?"

"No, I'm looking for how many it has now"

"But it's a history class."

Between me and my teacher.

[All About Eve]

I can't make of anything, but we were talking about the Iron Curtain. The Question was almost as bad as the Answer:

"So, what is iron like?!"
"HOT!"

[ZagmenO]

Back in high school, we were gonna go on a trip to a museum, and some dude said: "Is there gonna be security there?"

[khaaaaan]

Wait a minute, Who said this?

A girl, back in 8th or 9th grade.. like I said:confused:

[JoY]

we had a superblonde girl in class, who always made the most brilliant comments of "there's a wall in Berlin"- & "did you know there are airplanes"-quality. unfortunately, I only remember two of her blonde comments.

Laurien, during a physics class on optometry; "oooo, let's check out who here has lenses!!!"
friend; "uh, ok"
Laurien, turning around to the guy sitting behind her; "Gregory, do you have lenses?"
Gregory, slowly looking up with a raised eyebrow behind the glasses he's had for almost all his life; "...."

then, I'm assuming you guys pronounce it the same, but since you can never be sure; in Dutch you pronounce ETA as "A-ta". the teacher & one of my classmates cracked a joke about Spain & the ETA & shit. a short conversation followed.
Laurien follows the conversation, looking from one to the other with her usual blonde look & decides to hop in to contribute; "yeah, like, do they speak Eets (pronounced as "AIDS") there?"

in my first year of medicine we were discussing human anatomy, what it used to look like & how that evoluated & adapted over time, things like that. suddenly a girl raises her hand;
"well personally.. (at this point I saw it coming, especially with the way she looked/was dressed) I believe God has created mankind exactly the way it is now & I think it's rather disrespectful to teach otherwise".
duuude, all I could think was that she's going to have a HARD time with her choice of studies.

[F@ BANKZ]

There was a girl in one of my classes last year who had to ask the teacher what a county was.

EDIT: The more and more I think about these posts:


I fail to see how any of these things are funny, especially the last two. The first one reeks of tryhardism, and reminds me of the kid who constantly makes jokes about how he's failing to the teacher. The last two are just retarded. Swearing at a teacher for no reason other than to look cool is retarded, but thinking that it's funny is even dumber.

It wasn't funny things that were asked for it was stupid things, the first was just sometyhing i remembered from earlier yesterday, which was funny at the time at least, the second was funny because it was a chav getting himself into huge amounts of trouble for no reason and the last, i agree, was just retarded...Of her. I guess you probably had to be there.

[BurningSnake]

Some people are stupid and some people are aware of something that is not good, while the stupid people always shoving their stupid opinion up our ass

[F@ BANKZ]

Some people are stupid and some people are aware of something that is not good, while the stupid people always shoving their stupid opinion up our ass

I didn't ask Jakebert for his opinion either y'now

[JoY]

this is not dumb, but rather funny anyway; we had tests on ancient Greek history & during our exams there was a question how the Athenian fleet in the war against the Persians (if I remember correctly) had been financed.

well, for one, I had no idea. so I wrote down something that could've happened, like, whatever, they financed it with Persian money they robbed during the battle at Plataea. whatever, I don't remember. anyway, we all turned it in & our teacher started checking our answers. days later, he told us he had our grades. he picked bits & pieces of people's answers that he found funny to read out loud first, before handing out the grades.
"question: how was the Athenian fleet in the war against the Persians financed?
Reinier's answer: they put their mothers behind the window in the red light district"

pretty damn creative. at an exam..

Reinier was our little gay green haired punker with a severe case of "fuck the media". during one of our philosophy classes, my teacher started rambling about old philosophies, theories & predictions in comparison to the current situation. Reinier started a discussion with him (related to punk bands & anarchist ideas, actually), but our philosophy teacher was someone you can not ever win a discussion from. he just is al-ways right. (especially on the subject of punk & rock music, but that only made Reinier an interesting match in the discussion) at some point Reinier got kind of stuck in his arguments & dragged something in it that sounded pretty persuasive, but that didn't quite work.
teacher; "..you never read newspapers, do you?"
Reinier; "you've never delivered newspapers, have you?"

[BurningSnake]

I have a friend in my class that always ask idiotic question like when im eating my sandwich he said " Are U etaing a sandwich?" and then I said " no im eating a sandbitch" and then he was like " ooooo " and he left to bother some1 else I mean what I loser
And i know this has got nothing todo with studying and i am sorry

[JoY]

-I was taking a botany class, and the professor was talking about Photosynthesis... he started out and said, "And the plant is there... and the sun... the sun beats DOWN on it. Like... like a RABBIT." The class looked absolutely confused... he quickly moved on.

hahahaha, that reminds me of my roommate, who was trying to sketch a situation to us. Janna, being superenthousiastic; "like, I was standing over there, with my camera & the sun shined in like WHOAP!!"
her brother; "Janna.. the sun doesn't make any sounds"

also, a friend of mine started working at Bodies, which is like Körperwelt in Germany. you know, with the dissected bodies, plastified slices of men... you must've heard about the ethical discussion everywhere. either way, med students were very wanted there to explain more about the human anatomy to visitors, answer questions, et cetera, but since they were short of med students, they basically hired all kinds of students.

at some point she was standing at some info desk with her collegue & visitors asked him what the function of the liver is.
collegue; "the liver is like.." [he paused for a moment with a pondering look into nothing & then answered like it had came to him in a dream] "a brazier."
visitors; "ohhh.." *slowly wandering away with a raised eyebrow & a thousand fictive questionmarks floating above their heads*

[Jakebert]

In 8th grade, my english teacher referred to our class as "Sleeptime cowboys" because we were all falling alseep in class.

[JohnnyNemesis]

This one happened recently. It's not quite the dumbest thing, but it pissed me off.

A girl falls asleep in class. The professor, rightly offended and annoyed, calls her out on it in a relatively nice way. It's clear he's upset, but he handles it alright. He says to her: "Yeah, you just can't fall asleep in my class. I understand you're tired, but that is unacceptable".

...and she flips out on him for "embarrassing" her.

I dunno, some of you might be on her side, but I think if you fall asleep in someone else's class you should shut the fuck up and move on; you have no moral high ground there.

[ilovellamas]

You're right, Ricky. It's disrespectful to fall asleep in class. If you did that here in Austria, the professor might even kick you out of the class.

I don't know if this really fits, but when I was in high school, I had an astronomy teacher who was really hard of hearing. Three instances with him:

When we were studying how sound travels, every semester he'd bring out this huge long metal pole. Then he would tell us he was going to "stroke his rod" for us. We were never sure if he understood the implications of saying that (presumably not), and he'd stroke it a lot so that the sound who start to resonate in a really loud, high-pitched ring. The rest of the day, he'd stand in the hallway and do it. Everyone would be like "Oh great, Gutowski's stroking his rod again..."

He would always call students by last name. I'm not really sure why, but he'd always do it. Well, my friend's name was Colin Engebregtsen. No matter how hard he tried, the teacher could NOT pronounce his last name. However, he would never concede and just call him Colin. So all semester, every time he wanted to address him, he'd stumble through trying to say "Engebregtsen".

Finally, he was really old and weird. Kinda guy who wears the same pair of Wranglers with the same huge hickish belt buckle every day, and a plaid shirt tucked in, obscenely long, gnarled grey beard, bald head... and he'd only call bars "saloons". He always carried around a broken yard stick that was wrapped in duct tape that he'd slap down on your desk when he wanted to you to answer something. Well, since he was hard of hearing, he talked extremely loud. Like you could hear him clear as day two rooms over. So if you looked tired in class, he'd come up to you, slam his yardstick down, and bellow, "Late night out at the saloons again last night, Jones?" Normally, you'd reply with, "sorry, no, I'm just tired". But one day, he did that, and the student went up to him after class, and said, "Mr. Gutowski, I *really* wish you hadn't done that, because I have THE HUGEST hangover today!" The teacher just laughed.

[JoY]

Rickyrickrick; there have been plenty of times I fell asleep in class. especially during high school & sometimes in dimmed light (for instance during powerpoint presentations) in uni. (in darker surroundings, when trying to concentrate for over 30 minutes, I just get either very hyper, or very sleepy. & after being hyper, I often get very sleepy) never, EVER, would I dare to go against the person, who wakes me up to tell me that if I want to sleep, I should just go to bed. because that's just the way it fucking is & I know it & everyone knows it. ESPECIALLY if it's the teacher/in my current case professor, who has every right to demand a class full of interested, motivated students, who consciously made the decision to follow that particular education.

[Sin Studly]

I slept through most of my classes all the way through highschool, but I understand the utter douchebaggery of sleeping in some college class that nobody is forcing you to attend and that you'll be paying the debts off for years.

edit ; I remember I used to bring a vinyl pencil case to school, stuffed with rags and cotton balls instead of pencils. It made the nicest pillow.

[Jakebert]

My english teacher that I have this year has a good philosphy when it comes to sleeping in class: do it all you want, but don't complain when it hurts your grade.

[killer_queen]

Our philosophy teacher was awesome. He used to say "you can sleep if you like" and then put his head on the table and sleep. And everyone in the class used their scarves as pillows and they slept too.

And yeah, really dumb things have been said in my class but I'm not going to tell them because generally, I was the one who said them.

[ruroken]

My US History teacher was talking about how he thinks Cho was killed by police because he watches a certain tv show (Cops, durr), and he was asking what it was because he couldn't remember the title, and I heard Sam from across the room say "Fraiser?"

[noodlesfan]

And yeah, really dumb things have been said in my class but I'm not going to tell them because generally, I was the one who said them.

Just use the cop out "My friend.....".

i.e. "My friend.......jon... has this disease, and he was wondering if he should see a doctor"

[H1T_That]

In an R.E class we were talking about morales. One guy says.."lying is completley wrong unless its telling the truth"

He was one dumb motherfucker.

Back in school i was taking an I.T exam. One of the students sitting further down from where i was, 10 minutes into the exam asked..."should i turn this on or what?" reffering to the computer.

Needless to say, he failed.


This one isn't really dumb, just incredibly funny.

Anyways, it was the last few weeks of school and we were getting our record of achievement stuff together. Along with that we were meant to have a sheet with a little on how we thought we had dome through school etc. A guy was printing his out and it came out a blank page (through printing error). He turns to the teacher and says "Sir, mines a blank page". Teacher replies, "just like your life then, son."