at the risk of sounding macabre and angsty

[calichix]

it's just so weird when people die. it seems like people always die in groups. it's just so weird to think that such and such person isn't somewhere breathing. such and such person is somewhere not breathing. or that you'll never run into percy snodgrass in safeway and make, "oh my gawwwwwwwd, what have you been doingz with your liiiiiiiiife?! did you hear about that beached whale?! what a bummer!!" conversations ever again. especially when it's a young person cause whoever said it said no young person believes they'll ever die. so true. it feels like you should acknowledge everyone you're on hug-when-we-see-each-other-but-don't-really-keep-in-touch level with because how many more times in your life are you going to run into such and such and give such and such a hug and discuss who got who knocked up and who has which VD and who banged which professor but how cool that they got accepted to UC whatever in the first place good for them. it's even WEIRDER when people KNOW like, "I'm going to die any day now." do you stop caring so much after you've known for a while? are you just waiting for it?! is every day in the last weeks of your life filled with generic goodbye I'll miss you you've been good to me spiels? do they lose their meaning the more you say them? is it like when you're making your grand exit then you have to come back for your keys and make an anticlimactic exit? this probably doesn't make sense. well maybe it does. uhh hummmm....

[T-6005]

"It was utterly macabre."
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/8/8d/GOBwithaJOB.JPG/240px-GOBwithaJOB.JPG

More seriously, however, it's common when people know that they're about to die that you start telling them exactly how awesome and amazing they were - or when they're young, you feel bad afterwards about not knowing them better or thinking better of them.

[Sin Studly]

I agree, somewhat. Who died?

[JohnnyNemesis]

Yeah, beyond all the sadness or happiness and stuff, it's just downright fucking weird.

[sKratch]

The inevitability of death still really gets to me sometimes. Bogus dude.

[mrconeman]

The inevitability of death still really gets to me sometimes. Bogus dude.

I started thinking about that alot recently, it freaks me the fuck out. Getting old too, like the kind of old where you need people to help you function :(
I know it's a bit of an odd thing for me to be thinking about, I'm only 18 but when I do think about it it's just..weird.

And yeah, the last death close to me at all (in my family) was when I was really young, so I can't really remember it affecting me too much, but just the thought of never seeing someone again...ugh, it's not only really horrible, its just plain fucking strange.

[ilovellamas]

I have a recurring depression every year in the spring, because in spring of 1999, two friends of mine died. It was the first time people who were close to me died, and I didn't know how to deal with it. I couldn't turn to my mom because she doesn't believe it's okay to have feelings about death other than "they went to heaven, so death is a good thing". And I fear death myself. Well, I actually fear dying old much more than dying young.

[Sin Studly]

... she doesn't believe it's okay to have feelings about death other than "they went to heaven, so death is a good thing"

That's fucking stupid. You can believe in heaven and death being a good thing without being too stupid to realise death sucks for the people left behind. It's not about being sad for the dead person, it's about being sad for their survivors, who miss them.

[Lodat225]

tl ; dfff

[ilovellamas]

That's fucking stupid. You can believe in heaven and death being a good thing without being too stupid to realise death sucks for the people left behind. It's not about being sad for the dead person, it's about being sad for their survivors, who miss them.

Yeah I know. She thinks that we shouldn't mourn and that if you feel bad, it's a weakness that's only cured by talking to God, or something. So I can't ever tell her when I feel like crap about something.

[calichix]

well there's drunk driving accidents that kill at least one person a year and that's weird but lately it's been death overload. this fella I've known for like 6 years died last night of cancer and I knew he'd been dying for a long time and was as prepared for it as one can be but it's still WEIRD that it actually happened. and a few weeks ago this friendly acquaintance overdosed, which double sucks cause it was cocaine and he would've thought that was lame. and my friend's baby just died. and her cousin who I always thought was a mega fox died. and this dude who I had a crush on a bajillion years ago is in a coma. and yesterday a crow totally tried to kill me. it's just so weiiiiirrrrrd.


ilovellamas, does your mom not get sad at all when someone dies?

[Rag Doll]

it's definitely weird. when i was 16 a friend of mine died from a heroin overdose. that was definitely one of those shocking "he's so young" kind of things. two years later, another friend of mine died...but she had cystic fibrosis and couldnt get the double lung transplant she needed, so we were kind of expecting it. everyone thought they'd be prepared for it, but no one really was. i think it was more weird than anything....knowing you'd never see them again. cause the whole sadness thing had already been going on for a while.

[ilovellamas]

She didn't show any emotion when her mom died, and the only other person who died that she was at all close to when I was around was my brother's grandfather, who I don't remember her showing emotion about, either. But a lot of things she says, she's hypocritical about. She definitely gets sad and angry and then blames Satan for it.

[calichix]

samantha I know exactly what you mean about the sadness thing wearing off. but even if you knew like, the SECOND someone was going to die you'd still get that shock/pang/thing you get when you hear someone you know died. I have no idea why. weirdeirdweirdweerid

[ilovellamas]

and yesterday a crow totally tried to kill me.

What a bastard. we'd all be very sad. :(

[Coleby]

Well, I actually fear dying old much more than dying young.

I agree. It freaks me out when I think of myself as an old man, sitting in a chair, knowing I'm going to die soon...At least when you are young you don't expect to die.

I hear when you are really old, you are ready to leave the world. That really freaks me out and I hope I never think like that.

[Little_Miss_1565]

Babe, I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. And it does seem like they go in groups, doesn't it. Burying friends, family, and acquaintences is never something that you get used to. Honor what that person was in your life, hurt it up, let it out, and don't apologize for it. xoxo.

[calichix]

you are the most charming young lady in the world, I sweardagad.

[PilZ-E]

At some points I worry that death doesn't effect me as much as it should. I was very young when my Grandfather from my dad's side and my Grandmother from my mom's side died so I suppose it's kind of understandable that I wasn't very affected by it. But with in the last year my closest cousin died and I rarely thought about it and barely cared. I feel as if the only time I would really truly be saddened is if my father died and possibly my mother.

I know that if my siblings died it would most certainly affect me but I can't see it really bothering me for a long period of time. Then again I would likely feel far different about it if it actually did happen to me.

[mrconeman]

Awh, FUCK. I just learned someone I was once pretty close to is going to die.

This guy only lives a stone throw from my house, and went to school with me for 2 years, we used to jam together the odd saturday morning, and I remember a great day when we jammed in the street with our guitars and amps, and had a bit of a local audiance.
A couple years ago said person was walking home from a night out, when he got into a fight with some fucking scum bag who hit him across the head with a bat, he's been paralysed from like the neck down since (and I've only spoken to him a couple times ever since...that shit is hard). A tumour has been discovered and apparantly he just doesn't want to go on living like that and has a few weeks.

This is fucking grim.

[PilZ-E]

And that would appear to be three.

[JohnnyNemesis]

I'm particularly sensitive to death, I think. I've only been through one experience where someone really close to me died and it literally ruined my life for a good year. For about two months I kept seeing him everywhere and in dreams and woke up expecting him to still be alive on some silly television style shit. And all I could think about was that I was estranged from this family member for the last four years of his life...so I thought that if this person's death just destroyed me for a whole year, what's gonna happen when I'm truly close to the person?!

Bah. The shit is just crazy.

[calichix]

a lot of times the first death you ever go through is the hardest because it's such a shock and you have no idea how to handle it and haven't considered the possibility. :[ like if you go to a funeral there's always someone flipping a shit because a) it's their relative in the coffin or b) it's their first funeral.

gahhhd I worry about loved ones dying allll the timmme. I don't ever think about my own death. a gypsy told me I'm gonna die when I'm 22 so I'm trying to live it up.

[sKratch]

Then time is of the essence. Let's meet in the midwest. I won't bring pants.

[calichix]

dude I don't have long I'm not going to the midwest. meet you in miami ETA 45 minutes. prepare for the cleveland gleamer steamer of your life.

[Little_Miss_1565]

Get in line, Skratch. She and I are doing it like rightnow already. I'm on it.

a lot of times the first death you ever go through is the hardest because it's such a shock and you have no idea how to handle it and haven't considered the possibility. :[ like if you go to a funeral there's always someone flipping a shit because a) it's their relative in the coffin or b) it's their first funeral.

The first friend I lost was under extremely tragic circumstances and I was so fucked up over the whole thing that I didn't go to anything--no viewing, no funeral, no wake. I just stayed up all night for two days doing schoolwork because I just could not deal. About a year later, one of my friends--a kid I had trained personally when I graduated high school to do the high school newspaper some good--shot himself. You bet I was in that line at the viewing and wake, gave my best to his parents, cried my fucking eyes out. But dude, that closed casket fucked me up worse than any open casket funeral I've ever been to.

The first is horrible and awful and will fuck you up for a long time but under no circumstances should you give in to the temptation to not go through the motions of mourning. Third time around was my ex boyfriend's mother, I took a week off of my internship to go be with him and help do whatever he needed. I was the last girlfriend he brought home to the family, and even though we had been broken up for several months I even went and bought a cute sundress that I knew would make him smile if even for a second. It was gut wrenching and awful, we smoked a lot of cigarettes and drank a lot of booze, did a lot of crying and cuddling, but we got through--most importantly he got through. And we're like besties now.

It sucks so so much but it's as much a part of life as anything else.

[sKratch]

prepare for the cleveland gleamer steamer of your life.

Then I'm not bringing a shirt either.

[calichix]

aw, how High Fidelity of you. you'll probably be his numero uno forever. I've never been to a closed casket funeral. open caskets are pretty horrible but they don't leave much to the imagination and it's sort of (I don't know if this is the right word but..) comforting to see for yourself this person is not alive. If I went to a closed casket I'd go insane trying to check if they're still breathing.

manohman. I just found out a couple hours ago that this kid who I tried to fix up with my best friend 4 years ago (who I gave my toaster when he went to college. so where is my toaster now? god it's weird.) hung himself. like a year ago. I missed the being upset boat and can't really call our mutual friends to talk about it because it'd open up old wounds. mmmmman. :[

[ninthlayer]

In related news: Cho and Dimebag have been hanging out for a month now, how do you think that they're getting along?

[Andy]

I should be posting it up here in about 15 hours if all goes to plan.

Edit: I don't even know why I said that, or what it even means.

[sKratch]

I was in the city this past Saturday meeting up with some alumni from my improv group. Two of the guys didn't show up to the ale house because the guy who was driving, well his girlfriend's friend jumped off a balcony because she wasn't dating him. That's gotta be weird to deal with.