The Harmonizer

[IamSam]

In real life I'm a huge smart ass. If people give me an opening, I take it and run with it. There is a friend of mine that constantly tries to cause harmony. With me being a smart ass and also making fun of others I find his harmonizing to rain on my parade. While everyone knows I'm joking and comes to me if I actually offend them, he is always trying to smooth everything I do or say over and it makes me feel guilty for what I've done, even though everyone else is fine with it. I understand that having harmony in a workplace or in an environment is a good thing, but at the same time I think he takes it too far. I also think that with the advent of us taking a test to find our "strengths" and one of his was harmonizer that he feels it is a necessity to try harder to be that role and it rubs me the wrong way on occasion.

Anyone have any ideas how to deal with him?

[Sunny]

well, i don't have any advice to offer you, but he sounds like a really annoying, humorless twat. he reminds me of a "sensitivity training" instructor i once met, whose job was to tell us no one should ever make fun of anyone. because it's soooo mean. :( :( :( except that person actually got paid for spouting their shit. hey, it's a living.

i have a hard time imagining a workplace - or a social environment - where people don't rip on each other all the time. people at work say the most horrible things to myself and each other; my mens and i are always making fun of each other; my friends are like that as well. if someone gets hurt, they can bring it up afterwards, although it rarely ever happens. we don't need a "grown-up" to smooth things over... this is not 3rd grade.


any ideas as to why he felt compelled to adopt that role in the first place? is he overly sensitive himself? or socially awkward? why does he think humor is detrimental to harmony? i personally find it easier to bond with people who are comfortable/confident enough to make fun of me and handle being made fun of.

PS. punch him in the mouf.

[Budzy]

That's like me except my best mate goes along with it. That's probably why most of the mates I had before don't like us anymore, because they're sick of us smart assing them. Ah well.
Maybe tell him to stop being a softcock?

EDIT: If he does it start hanging shit on him instead, then he'll stop and learn to keep his mouth shut and let you bag people all you like?

[jacknife737]

Kill him.

Failing that, simply confront him about it. Just start chirping on him for being such a twat.

[findout5]

Give him a head start and HUNT HIM - shouldn't be that hard for ya!

[Al Coholic]

Grab and scratch your balls everytime he starts talking to smooth things over. Really get into it. Just scratch your balls, grunting out an occasional "oohhh yeaaaahh...thats the stuff". Do it the entire time he's talking. Nobody will be able to pay attention to him.

[Duskygrin]

In real life I'm a huge smart ass.


Let me correct that.

"In real life I'm a huge pile of dung."

[IamSam]

Let me correct that.

"In real life I'm a huge pile of dung."

I'm guessing that that took you all day to come up with. Smart.


After reading this thread I've laughed quite a bit that so many of you thought of resorting to physical violence.

any ideas as to why he felt compelled to adopt that role in the first place? is he overly sensitive himself? or socially awkward? why does he think humor is detrimental to harmony? i personally find it easier to bond with people who are comfortable/confident enough to make fun of me and handle being made fun of.

He is originally from Costa Rica, moved to Alaska, and now goes to college where I'm at in Montana. It's mainly not humor that he finds detrimental, but making fun of people. The problem though is that people always come to me if I actually hurt them with it, although I normally don't say anything too hurtful. He is not that confident in himself due to his constantly moving past. I'm still at a loss for what I should do. He makes situations more awkward and worse than they were in the beginning.

[bighead384]

I'd have to witness what you're actually doing to have an opinion, because I've known some people that really take this sort of thing too far. But at the same time, I've met some oversensitive people.

Can you give an example or two of something he called you out on?

[Sunny]

IamSam - yeah, when i said "humor" i meant "ripping on other people". ;p

well it could be his self-confidence (or lack thereof) then. i mean... i dunno. i'm insecure as hell, but i'm having a hard time putting myself in this guy's shoes.

if you definitely do not want to punch him in the mouf (:(), could you try talking to him in a nice civil way and explaining that the way you interact with people is perfectly normal? that it's how certain people bond or express affection? that it's not intended to mean any harm? if nothing else, he might be so embarrassed by being put on the spot that he'll shut the fuck up. =)

[T-6005]

You're lucky.

Apparently I'm a huge jerk and people don't appreciate it at all. And I don't even realize.

[IamSam]

I'd have to witness what you're actually doing to have an opinion, because I've known some people that really take this sort of thing too far. But at the same time, I've met some oversensitive people.

Can you give an example or two of something he called you out on?

Yeah sure!

We were looking at a picture of our staff and one person said it would be 10 times better if our boss was smiling. I said it would be 20 times better if she was not in it. Count it! (I actually said count it, it's a joke we have that automatically means you were kidding.) He starts saying how much he's glad that this girl is on staff and starts smoothing over what I said, even though everyone knew I was joking.

IamSam - yeah, when i said "humor" i meant "ripping on other people". ;p

well it could be his self-confidence (or lack thereof) then. i mean... i dunno. i'm insecure as hell, but i'm having a hard time putting myself in this guy's shoes.

if you definitely do not want to punch him in the mouf (), could you try talking to him in a nice civil way and explaining that the way you interact with people is perfectly normal? that it's how certain people bond or express affection? that it's not intended to mean any harm? if nothing else, he might be so embarrassed by being put on the spot that he'll shut the fuck up. =)

I could try just talking to him about it. The kid has known me for 3 years now so it isn't like he doesn't know how I operate. I think the large problem is that he is really pushing this role as harmonizer because of the strength finder test we took. Now that he knows it is a strength I think he tries to push it too far.

[Al Coholic]

Am I like, the only person who's ever used their balls to make someone else feel uncomfortable? I don't mean anything weird, all the hand action goes on outside the pants...

[wheelchairman]

Obvious answer is that he may come from a very different culture, and that he's interpreting 'anglophonic' culture through his own 'goggles.' What he is doing might just be the normal reaction he gives. I personally wouldn't worry too much about it. If people get offended they'll tell you, or hold a grudge until they snap. If he makes it awkward, well then act like what he's saying is natural or something. Just learn to adapt, it's only awkward if you make it awkward. And he only says it because obviously he feels awkward.

[Budzy]

Yeah sure!

We were looking at a picture of our staff and one person said it would be 10 times better if our boss was smiling. I said it would be 20 times better if she was not in it. Count it! (I actually said count it, it's a joke we have that automatically means you were kidding.) He starts saying how much he's glad that this girl is on staff and starts smoothing over what I said, even though everyone knew I was joking.



He consider's THAT making fun of people? He needs to grow a pair.

Am I like, the only person who's ever used their balls to make someone else feel uncomfortable? I don't mean anything weird, all the hand action goes on outside the pants...

I don't do it to make others comfortable, I do it to make myself comfortable.
But I shall try this next time someone trys to reach out to my emotional side and see how quickly it shuts them down.

EDIT:
Let me correct that.

"In real life I'm a huge pile of dung."
Once again I find your lameness excrutiatingly painful to read.

[ilovellamas]

I was most of the way through your post before I realized that you didn't mean that this guy sings a harmony [harmonizing] with songs that are playing.